Another sleepless night counts.

Sleepless nights have been torturing me pretty much recently. I hate it when I tried so hard but still couldn't sleep, when I was finally asleep but awakes in less than thirty minutes later, and it just go round and round like that with the same end result. I do not know what's wrong. I sensed something bad about myself, but I shall not assume. Let's wait and see what's really happening I should. 

I could hear neighbours' alarm ringing, perhaps they are starting their new day soon, some has even left the house, at this hour. And..look at me, what am I still doing at this hour. I don't know what am I exactly been thinking about. Everything screwed me pretty well. 

I don't know if I have been missing him a lot these days, but there's also some other things that is bothering my mind. I know if things go on this way and I'm still doing nothing about this, my life is going to get really screwed like how it used to be.. I do not want that. But I couldn't stop myself. I do not know how. 

Yah. "Nobody knows when the last goodbye is". I saw this somewhere else, and I felt for it. How fragile life can be. For something or someone that you might be grateful for having of, in a blink of eyes it's gonna turn out to be a disaster in life. I couldn't get rid of these negative powers that's deteriorating me, although I know how much positive energy I'm needing now. 

I read this too. How I wish I could say it out loud, that I'm finally over you. It's been two years where I've been carrying the guilt with me, till now. I know insomnia sucks. I do hate it too. Why is it every time when I finally thought that I could already let go and get better rest, I will start sliding down the road. 

Being a sunflower who tries so hard to survive the night is a torture. I wanna survive well. Very well.. 

It's been the 4th month.

Am all stressed with the looming examination in coming May, but I can never stop procrastinating. Dear you, how are you coping with your new life? Papa in heaven will guide your life well, since you have learnt life, aye?

I have been rather particular about timing recently, not really recently but it has been quite some while, since ages ago.  I kept having looked up the same exact time which I think you know when. Besides the hectic school life, I have been busying with random things which I do not know what as well.

Shall talk to you more in my prayer. Continue to bless people in need, for 2014 have to be a better one, still..

没有你的731天。

分开两周年，快乐 ，鹏 。:')
真的不知不觉，进入第三年，没有你的日子了。
日子起起落落，我开心我又难过。

鹏，你过得好吗？

想起当初这一天，就是我人生堕落之时。
没有比这些年更糟糕的了，我没有一天不后悔。
我看见好多人，遇见不同的人事物，
想回家时，你把门锁上了。
后来，更是把家也搬了，搬得我不懂你到底在哪里了...

你会一直看护我吗？ 不懂呢。
我终究就快嫁人，迟不了多久了，律齐快老了呢。
帮我挑吧，谢谢你啊鹏。

保佑失事的马航370吧，
不懂你遇见了他们没。
不懂阿爸父接走了他们没。
可我懂得，我不希望你看见他们。

讲师的丈夫遇上了车祸，至今依然昏迷，
鹏，三月怎么又让人伤感了呢。
好好一起替她加油替他加油，看见她眼眶泛泪光，我又依墨了。
她好尽责，尽管如此遭遇她坚持上课，
她好坚强，我上课时更加想着三个月以来发生的事了。


我的好好人，
看见你的留言了，
看见你写给我听的话了，
我是少上载了，可我心底依然没变。
对不起最近真的较忙了，
可有时间，我不会忘了找你谈通宵 :)
谢谢你比好多人更关心我，
谢谢你愿意让我无事不登三宝殿，
谢谢你让我分担你的不愉快。
加油！……^^

The 105th day

I blog lesser these days. Time flies. I had my mock exams for the past two weeks and I did stupid things again. Having not known of how exactly things are going, I however hope so much that everything is in a better court. I've been happier with people around me making me happier, I just do not know how long these would last. It might not last forever, no matter how I wish it could. Maybe, or maybe not.

Work sucks. It really does. Seeing people walking around shows made me thought of how we used to do sales together. I hated myself for being still envolving in this job, really. I wanted to get out of this, but I have no where else to go. 

I don't fake my smile, my smile is always sincere, but I tends to get tired so easily when I'm alone. I dislike being alone, I am trying to work things out of what I should, but everything is just.. torturing me. Never fails to. 

Not knowing the reason, I started to be afraid of fire, out of nowhere. Neither do I cook these days, nor do I able to look into fire. I am scared. It just bring me to think of how hurt it can be being in fire. I know it hurts, I feel my running nose, I watched drama, I could feel the pain being trapped in fire, but I know I will never feel how pain you were. 

I cried again.