不是故意

我以为恶梦 不会一直缠着我
我以为头痛 闭上眼就痊愈了
我只听 你爱听的歌
我只做 你的朋友

我变得沉默 伤心也不愿开口
我变了好多 是否更靠近你呢
等一个 固执的如果
如果你懂我为什么就够了

你别担心 我 不怕一个人站在雨里
除了你 我找不到能快乐的意义
眼泪 带给你的压力太清晰
我真的不是故意

不是故意 让自己变得不再像自己
为了你 拼命想拿一百分而努力
你却 离我越来越远的距离
直到我失去你

真的不是故意

Thank you, my Angel in heaven.

For blessing me.
- On a supposedly one of the solemnest days.

I visited you, as always.
A stalk of red roses, says my love to you.

Everyday, and I never stop missing you.
Neither have you once left my mind.

You blessed me entirely.

I know,
that you have tried your best to make me happiest girl;
that you never want me to be emotional towards you;
that you want me to stand up firm on my own feet;
that you want me to smile genuinely.

Thank you, my Angel.

You blessed me with the person I always wish to have met;
You bless me without fail every time my visit at your new home;
You bless me to be happy on this day, 12 March 2015.

We broke up for 1096 days.
You're gone in heaven for 481 days.

I REALLY MISS YOU.

My friend asked,
What if you're alive again.

My answer would be the same in the dream I've promised you.
"I will never disturb your life anymore,
and I will let you have your own happiness without worries."

If you ever come back,
you have my words, darling.

Every parts of me wish that you could be back.
You live your life, I walk my path without you.

My friend also told,
That if you're back, perhaps you will know who you should love.

No darling, I don't deserve you.
If you could be back and if I could have you back,
No darling, I never deserve you.

Even if I love you,
loved you,
even if still loving you,

No darling, I can never be Cinderella.

I am in fact thankful for the two years you have given me.

Darling,
I'm thankful, for being the lady who is lucky enough,
to have your company for 2years in your 22 years of life.

I am the luckiest.
And I am contented for real.

Thank you for everything you planned today.
Thank you for doing your best to not let me upset.

I'm thankful.
I miss you.

鵬...

偶爾還是會想起你 在夜深人靜的時候

也許我  還不習慣  沒有你

偶爾還是會想起你  重複著熟悉的場景

彷彿我  還能聽見  你聲音

偶爾還是會想起你  卻不會再停下腳步

也許我  已習慣了  沒有你

悄悄地把眼淚收起  我不想讓你擔心

在遠處  靜靜地  看著你

偶爾還是會想起你  轉眼間各奔東西

也許我  還不習慣  沒有你

偶爾還是會想起你  重複著熟悉的場景

彷彿我  已聽不清  你聲音

偶爾還是會想起你  卻不會再停下腳步

也許我  已習慣了  沒有你

悄悄地把眼淚收起  我不想讓你擔心

在遠處  靜靜地  看著你

說愛你已來不及  所有的話留在心裡

我一定  會成為更好的自己

你給我最好的回憶  我依然放在心底

謝謝你  曾出現在我  生命裡

偶爾還是會想起你  我會好好照顧自己

讓回憶  輕輕的  睡去

分手三年快樂嗎，天使☺️

You're terribly missed.

Last blog was on December 2014, and I could still remember how hard I've tried to not blog anything about you anymore. At least I made it, up till now, this moment when I decided to blog again, because I don't think I could bear the pain inside me all alone anymore. I need a place to rant.

Angel, please hear my cry.

I still miss you like how I used to, but I did not cry like a baby anymore. I tried all my best to not think about everything solemn about you darling. 

But today, forgive me darling. I went to stare at your photo. I looked so carefully at your face. You are still so charming, still so attractive. 

And that's how the tears flow. I'm feeling pain out of nowhere, on this supposedly happy day four of Lunar New Year, when fireworks could still be heard here and there.. I kept asking why aren't you to be the one surviving enjoying your New Year with your buddies, or even with the people you loved so much. I rather feel that kind of pain, than this type of wound that have left a scar forever in me. I don't know about you, but I could understand the saying "My heart is crying", if that's really how heartache feels like.

It terribly hurts.

It hurts even more when you find it no point anymore to share your pain with anyone else, but to bury it in you yourself. 

I've tried all tenses of LOVE, darling.

I love you, always, when you first caught my attention and when you completely won my heart.

I loved you, when I once thought I don't anymore.

I've loved you, when I once thought I've done enough for our relationship.

I'm loving you, now when you're gone to a far away place.

I'm still going to love you, no matter where you gonna be, be it up high, or far further away.

I have so much things I wish to tell you, but I don't know where to start. For once I thought my new life has started with good man I've met, but ended up with the same stories I didn't want it to happen. I'm not destined to fall in love again maybe, at least this is what my thought calls for now.

I really need to talk to you now, darling. If you could read me, please come again into my dream, for just once more. You have been disappearing for so long. I need you in my dream, to rebuild what I regretted, to rebuild the memories that are fading, to teach me to be stronger than I am now, to cry out even lesser than I do for now.. 

I miss you.