Sleepless nights have been torturing me pretty much recently. I hate it when I tried so hard but still couldn't sleep, when I was finally asleep but awakes in less than thirty minutes later, and it just go round and round like that with the same end result. I do not know what's wrong. I sensed something bad about myself, but I shall not assume. Let's wait and see what's really happening I should.
I could hear neighbours' alarm ringing, perhaps they are starting their new day soon, some has even left the house, at this hour. And..look at me, what am I still doing at this hour. I don't know what am I exactly been thinking about. Everything screwed me pretty well.
I don't know if I have been missing him a lot these days, but there's also some other things that is bothering my mind. I know if things go on this way and I'm still doing nothing about this, my life is going to get really screwed like how it used to be.. I do not want that. But I couldn't stop myself. I do not know how.
Yah. "Nobody knows when the last goodbye is". I saw this somewhere else, and I felt for it. How fragile life can be. For something or someone that you might be grateful for having of, in a blink of eyes it's gonna turn out to be a disaster in life. I couldn't get rid of these negative powers that's deteriorating me, although I know how much positive energy I'm needing now.
I read this too. How I wish I could say it out loud, that I'm finally over you. It's been two years where I've been carrying the guilt with me, till now. I know insomnia sucks. I do hate it too. Why is it every time when I finally thought that I could already let go and get better rest, I will start sliding down the road.
Being a sunflower who tries so hard to survive the night is a torture. I wanna survive well. Very well..
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