Having not known of how many people gonna give a damn to what am I uttering over here, I simply don't care. Yes, just a couple weeks ago, I have realised a fact that I fell into this guy, although he can't be the perfect one for me, not even sure if he is the exact partner material that am looking for, but just, I think I like him quite a certain level. Starting when? Probably the first time of him ignoring my messages. He told me it wasn't with purpose as he was probably doing some other things that delayed the reply, but anyway, I don't wish to guess much about this.. As much as we basically don't contact each other anymore, as much as I could still be able to stuff myself with tonnes and tonnes of activities to resist not finding him or texting him first, I really wish to be able to let things off before I fell deeper into these potential bullshits, again. I do miss texting him and expecting his warm replies like we did, but at least, am better in controlling my very urge. Shall I credit these to what I have gone through that shaped myself today?
One can never guess how much he or she has changed into another person, or rather another personality or character, but simply, at least, I tend to control myself from getting hurt. Cuts and wounds and everything simply still lying on the skin surfaces, and as far as it concerns, scars are everywhere too. History is marked with no turning back, and me myself can only move on and keep moving on. No turning back no nothing.. I at times telling myself to be prepared for every bullshits that is going to happen on me, also the changes that is making us to have to adapt it well if not, yes imma die young. Real young.
Being a spendthrift to cure the loneliness is never awesome when it comes to guiltiness towards parents who is funding your studies but not even feeding themselves with luxuries. They gave all they could to me and my sisters, and yes, I know where they come from, they love us unconditionally, wishing and hoping us to be one better mankind, but yeah, still thank them for understanding me and let me have my own pace to healing. My dear LipQi, I love your parents.
I have been trying hard to not think of this but when it comes to sleepless night, I can't hold being emotionally breakdown, and having hard time to fight against insomnia. I do have gastric problems at times but don't you think that things are rather ridiculous when even you have eaten, they still won't let you off. Seriously. From doing my best not to rely on medicine, until the time when I was forced to get some and spare inside my handbag, gastric is never a joke. I couldn't imagine if I would struggle on the street or passed inside my own room without anyone noticing it. Daddy has been telling me the extent gastric pain can go to. And hell ya since the day to Penang with lovely buddies and had awesome food like non stop, I started to not letting myself down with no food. It was rather a peaceful and lucky week for me actually, for different friends were there to accompany me for proper meals. GOOD FOOD I HAD, IF YOU BROWSED MY INSTAGRAM PICTURE THESE DAYS! From proper meals to hi tea and desserts, till the Friday night where we celebrated Lingirl's advanced birthday at the Garden Cake and Pastry, following night round for my one and only roommie Thoung's belated birthday, oh and not to forget my REAL REAL BELATED birthday celebration cum dinner at the Yoshiya by my lifetime bff. I was telling myself, IF these are the friends that would bring me through my diploma and degree, I wouldn't have to suffer so much and get my life diluted, yah right.
The moment I touched down in this land again, I was telling myself, Yes yes yes you have to bear with the normal days again. I failed to. At that point of time I made up my mind, telling myself that do I really have to be that pathetic when it comes to living in this very country? However, I was lucky after grudges made, for a long lost friend came and talk to me asking me to borrow her my clutch, and yah we headed Ambush for great dinner since we have a lot to catch up. The next day just as I thought the same negatives again, that very cutie pie classmate had me taking dinner with her also shopping for shoes and sandals, that says I wasn't alone for the consecutively 2 days, and not to forget my receiving of MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER's postcard to me from the Osaka! You won't know how it drove me crying and tearing nonstop. Third day, yes Seow Hung texted me out of sudden, real out of sudden where she asked me out for dinner. I was really touched. Without hesitation I replied her YES I DO, and I therefore went to get my macarons hi tea after I got tired wandering around the Orchard area. We later on met up and gotten our dinner done at a Japanese restaurant serving awesome food, AND yet done, we as well had our desserts at the Ah Chew's! While today Thursday I attended an IP career talk, the cutie pie classmates and I went to the High Society for macarons. I was not really craving towards anything but I simply couldn't resist the pretty Isaphan. That was real nice and awesome. Desserts done? Yes then I got home and wash up, then met with Dan and Sean with that Cutie Pie for a drink at the Dempsey Hill. Dan got me a cocktail and it tasted kinda fine. Later on, yah supper time at the Geylang's Mongkok Dim Sum. Having friends who drive you out at night, even late night is always better to prevent yourself from feeling that much loneliness at home. Tomorrow? I have plans too! There's gonna be an unexpected guest from my homecountry who's gonna touch down here later at 11am. MONEH$$$ :(
No more diary writing things like this, more to weekly basis diary perhaps? (:
Yes am ending here. I start to feel sleepy already. Good night world, good night Love.
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