Closing 2014, A Timeline.

To the last day of December:

Thank you, for 2014 has been good to me thus far. 

My heart does not ache so much everyday like how it did when the dearest man I have loved left this world. It is recovering, and I feel really glad about it. I made a wish, a simple resolution, that 2014 please be better, just better, when nothing beats the pain I have gone through in 17th November 2013. I yelled and cried in pain almost every night, insomnia attacked me, and I couldn't sleep any longer hours in a day. I became a light sleeper, and I was pretty much afraid with night alone no matter how much I've gotten used to nights like those.

November 2013.

I cried almost every night before I could turn in ever since 17th November 2013. "Spencer Tan Chee Phang", being a name carved so deeply in my memory lane, I can never forget this man. Reminiscing few days before when I finally made up my mind to kick start a new life after breaking up with him for almost 2 years, I went Korea and that was my first trip overseas. I thought I could enjoy. I thought I could kick start a new life after all, leaving him happily ever after with his girlfriend. God knows I was so wrong, karma hits when the trip became my unforgettable trip with presence to another world, into the arms of the Almighty God.. I didn't know I could still feel him, I could feel that something wrong happened, I could feel the difference of my feeling yet I chose to ignore just because I didn't know the news could be that bad. Could it be the telepathy we still had? God gave me signal that you were in trouble, the sudden awake from my sleep, the sudden tears dropping without reasons, I should have realised earlier.. I didn't know I could still feel you, darling. Sorry that I came back to you too late, not having the chance to even see your face for the last time, but thank you for letting me to send you off for the one last time.. being the last journey of yours, darling.

Just one last dance,
Before we say goodbye,
When we sway and turn and round and around,
It's like the first time.

Just one more chance,
Hold me tight and keep me warm,
Cause the night is getting cold,
And I don't know where I belong,
Just one last dance..

-Sarah Connor-

Dear Harbie Tan, allow me to call you such for one last time. Thank you for having me to accompany you for a two years in your twenty two years of life, and I am truly grateful to be a woman you used to love that hard, to have sacrificed that much in order to make me your girlfriend. My apology for realising it so late, but I am glad because you were at least happiest man with your girlfriend before you left. See you soon in the arms of God, darling. Love, Fei Qi.

December 2013.

Disasters continued to roll on, on that disheartening 27th December 2013, when she peacefully left the world too. I couldn't stop crying, even though I knew she left for good course. She had her breast cancer tormenting her for the more than half decade, when she had to bear the pain of losing her husband, my uncle, in an accident while she was still in the need to undergo treatment. I loved this aunty of mine who could talk to me like a normal friend, who could understand my words and cooked the best sambals. God knows she's better in another world, no more pain, and she could be with her beloved husband forever and ever. I know I should be happy for her, but I couldn't stop thinking how sudden was the news stroke me when I was actually still working halfway. Tell me how 2013 wasn't the worst in my life.. I missed all of them.

How happy you were
despite the sickness that tortured you so much
seeing your beloved granddaughter.

Dear ErYi, you're finally away from all pains that you do not deserve. I miss you dearly, and will always do. Be happiest wife in another world with ErYiZhang okay. Loves.

January 2014.

Bad luck decided to cripple me and my family, when in a short three months time I have to bear all nonsenses that life decided to troll. My dear Grandpa met with accidents, and I was hell worried and I did not know what else I could do. Worse when my Grandma was sick at the same time. Things didn't go according to my wish when my cousin brother who's still a secondary student got diagnosed cancer. What a luck that's revolving, I really didn't know. I hated God, I hated everything that asked me to pray more for better. HELL NO. THINGS GOT WORSE. My 22nd birthday on 18th wasn't a real happy one, I was in the worst pain I have ever imagined. Seeing my beloved man's grave like that hurts me to hell, but am willing to take the pain I've owed him. I made three same birthday wishes as one, similar to my new year resolution. I was not greedy. All I want for my birthday is just a better 2014. But what did they troll me on. With these sorts of bullshits? No, I didn't want all those nonsenses.

I burst out crying easily, didn't know what I could do to make myself better.

February 2014.

Worst Chinese New Year, everything was so dull. I was not in mood but to pretend to be one. It hurts but nobody knows. Even God just let me be. One day I went church finally, I prayed, and I heard the Lord saying, "Do not be afraid, do not get disappointed, because it was all destined, because I have prepared a better place for them." I hope the words were not just my hallucination, but a promising words that could really comfort me well.. That few months, I cried once I pray. I could feel the Almighty. Also through that few months, I kept dreaming about him, from the happiest to the most solemn ones..

February being the month when my parents officially brought my Eryi's daughter home to educate her.

March 2014.

Probably the worst day for the whole world, especially the aviation industry. Being the first but not last missing plane, Malaysia Airlines suffered two aviation accidents after so many years being one of the best flight experience for the people from all over the world. Life sucks, when 2014 took off so many innocent lives. 

12th March 2014, and I officially broke up with my beloved man for an exact two years time. I am still alive counting, but he is no longer here. It pains me a lot still.

April 2014.

Preparing for examinations sucks when taking a bloody paper incurred so much sum of money. Worst when nothing goes into my mind. Really.

May 2014.

Worst examination experiences I've had in my life, when everything went blank in my mind. That's when I knew I was screwed. I promised him that I would study hard for him, but I was still screwed. fml.

June 2014.

I finally made it to the country I've always wanted to go, with Jie Xiang, Sihui, and Ze Hong. Being a Hong Kong drama addict, I love Hong Kong to the bits. I promised myself to see the world for him using my own eyes. I wanted him to be the happiest person, no matter where he is.

Macau.
:)

The Peak.
:)

Disneyland.
:)

July 2014.

Yes, ever since June, life started to get better, yet I didn't dare to hope for much. I'm afraid if I get too happy, bad things will come visiting again. I came across with secondary school acquaintances, where I realised they are in the same island with me. I started to go out more often, having good food I love so much. I started to go out on dates, hanging out a lot more often with a friend, and I started to see someone that could influence my mood easily. But I am not going to move on this soon. He was my eye candy, and I didn't know we could talk in real life, being each others' friend, everything seems so unreal for me, until he eventually be my crush.

29th July when I know I have to start moving on when I lost everything about you and I. Left memories, darling.

August 2014.

So much dates and memories to be remembered. 

3rd August being my ErYi's birthday, only if she is still alive;

Also 3rd August being my soulmate's 22nd birthday;

17th August when you already left for an exact nine months;

Also 17th August being my dearest mummy's birthday;

Still, 17th August when I participated in Color Run with my beloved girlfriend;

18th August when you confessed for the second time 4yrs back and we finally got together;

18th August when it could be our 4th Anniversary, but never..

29th August when MY BELOVED HELLO KITTY WAS ANNOUNCED BEING A HUMAN BUT CAT. 

Mummy's birthday,
without younger sister who's still in KL.
:)

Colour Run,
I was so glad for winning the entrance ticket
and be part of the #happiest5k.
:')

You're really missed, darling.:')

I thought I'd be fine, I thought I could laugh, until I couldn't really control my emotions.

September 2014.

Rather a peaceful month for me. Only when sometimes I tend to get emotional at night when I still think about you, darling, but trust me, I'm already happier. My cousin's situation got better, my granfather's wound almost completely healed, yah, things started to get better.

October 2014.

I cried more again, when dates and dates hit again.

17th October being exactly a month prior to your 1st death anniversary, darling;

19th being Eryi daughter's 7th birthday, and I hope she could be better without her parents;

24th being your 23rd birthday darling, but you're finally forever 22. 

Girl's 7th birthday.
ErYi, are you happy seeing her to grow?

It was your birthday, darling.
:')

At times I would rather wish you to stay 22 as a vampire, not an angel, darling. I can never forger about you, also about us.

November 2014.

Your 1st death anniversary, darling.

And I'm out of words to say..

December 2014.

I went back home and I had my second cafe hunt after a year with my soulmate. We had fun. and I started to believe that 2014 is getting better. We went Big Ben's Breakfast, Toy's Cafe, Myarte, China House, Selfie Coffee and we also had our Hoegaarden Rosee after a year. 

Annual Cafe Hunt and we love it.
:)

2nd trip of the year, when I got the chance to travel to Bangkok, with a weird but nice combination of people, which consists of a girl friend of mine, my cousin brother, and my younger sister. I went shopping and I met pickpockets due to my own carelessness. The wristlet that your mum gave me, I'm sorry I lost it too. But thank God, I had fun most of the time. And I met with my godmother, aka your mother, darling, at the Airport prior my departure.

Words couldn't describe how blessed I am being loved by two family.
Your family,
my family.
:')

Goodbye hug before boarding in.
:')

What a combo right.
:)

Also, I celebrated my Grandpa's 80th birthday. Planning this is killing me literally when my grandpa is known as a very stubborn person and we all grandchildren had to squeeze our brain juices to think of ways to persuade him to come out of the house, yet no one dared to let him know it was his 80th Birthday, but just telling him it was meant for a pure family gathering.

We finally made it a Thanksgiving day to the oldest two at home. I love both of them. Really a lot. 

It could be the most perfect family portrait,
only if my eldest uncle is still around with us.
:')

We also had our cousins gathering,
but without the two youngest one for now.
:)

And tonight, I'm blessed because am not alone for the countdown. Pictures to be added later on alright.

So far for my timeline for today.

Thank God.

______________________________________"____

2014 is probably the worst and most terrible year for the whole world, especially the aviation industry. Being the first but not last missing plane, MAS suffered two total aviation accidents after so many years being one of the best flight experiences for the people from all over the world. Life sucks, wen 2014 had to take off so many innocent lives. 

AIR DISASTERS TIMELINE:-

11 February: 

A military transport plane, a Hercules C-130, carrying 78 people crashes in a mountainous part of north-eastern Algeria. Reports suggest there is one survivor from among the military personnel, family members and crew.

8 March: 

The disappearance of MAS MH370 during a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing leads to the largest and most expensive search in aviation history. Despite vast effort, notably in the hostile South Indian Ocean, no debris of any kind has been found from the flight to date.

17 July: 

MAS flight MH17 crashes near Grabove in eastern Ukraine, killing all 298 people on board, 193 of them Dutch. Protrusion revels are widely accused of shooting the plane down using a surface-to-air missile. However, they denied their responsibility.

23 July: 

48 people die when a Taiwanese ATR-72 plane crashes into stormy seas during a short flight. TransAsia Airways GE222 was carrying 54 passengers and 4 crews to the Penghu Island. It made an abortive landing attempt before crashing on a second attempt.

24 July: 

Air Algerie AH5017 disappears over Mali amid poor weather near the border with Burkina Faso. The McDonnell Douglas MD-83 was operated by Span's Swifter, and was heading from Ouagadougou to Algiers carrying 116 passengers, where 51 of them French. All are thought to have died.

28 December: 

AirAsia QZ8501 flying from Surabaya in Indonesia to Singapore goes missing over the Java sea. The pilot radioed for permission to divert around bad weather but no mayday alert was issued. There were 162 passengers and crew onboard. 

-Source from the BBC News.

Not to mention the terrorism attacks and the Ebola virus..

What a year.