You're terribly missed.

Last blog was on December 2014, and I could still remember how hard I've tried to not blog anything about you anymore. At least I made it, up till now, this moment when I decided to blog again, because I don't think I could bear the pain inside me all alone anymore. I need a place to rant.

Angel, please hear my cry.

I still miss you like how I used to, but I did not cry like a baby anymore. I tried all my best to not think about everything solemn about you darling. 

But today, forgive me darling. I went to stare at your photo. I looked so carefully at your face. You are still so charming, still so attractive. 

And that's how the tears flow. I'm feeling pain out of nowhere, on this supposedly happy day four of Lunar New Year, when fireworks could still be heard here and there.. I kept asking why aren't you to be the one surviving enjoying your New Year with your buddies, or even with the people you loved so much. I rather feel that kind of pain, than this type of wound that have left a scar forever in me. I don't know about you, but I could understand the saying "My heart is crying", if that's really how heartache feels like.

It terribly hurts.

It hurts even more when you find it no point anymore to share your pain with anyone else, but to bury it in you yourself. 

I've tried all tenses of LOVE, darling.

I love you, always, when you first caught my attention and when you completely won my heart.

I loved you, when I once thought I don't anymore.

I've loved you, when I once thought I've done enough for our relationship.

I'm loving you, now when you're gone to a far away place.

I'm still going to love you, no matter where you gonna be, be it up high, or far further away.

I have so much things I wish to tell you, but I don't know where to start. For once I thought my new life has started with good man I've met, but ended up with the same stories I didn't want it to happen. I'm not destined to fall in love again maybe, at least this is what my thought calls for now.

I really need to talk to you now, darling. If you could read me, please come again into my dream, for just once more. You have been disappearing for so long. I need you in my dream, to rebuild what I regretted, to rebuild the memories that are fading, to teach me to be stronger than I am now, to cry out even lesser than I do for now.. 

I miss you.