I missed the 42nd day post when my second aunt passed away. Life sucks. I didn't even get to update anything for this new year. Another bad year after 2012, and 2013 was bad too. This is another year, good or bad one? I really don't know. When you're fated to go through these bullshits, you just have to. I hate it. I really do.
New Year reso, I have been telling people when they asked, and most of them should know: 2014 need not to be good in a night time, but please, start to get better. I pray. Please stop anything bad starting 2014. It pains me whenever I have to think about all these..
Breast cancer is something real scary, I think same goes to the other type of cancer too, aye? Sucky day at work when I got to know that her situation is kinda critical, and could leave anytime. Do you know how I reacted to that? Rationally I called up friend to tell him help finding people to replace me for work, but I ended up feeling bad for letting people to find a replacement in hours time, and I thought I REALLY THOUGHT she could at least go thru new year and I therefore told them that I could continue working for one more day, so that they could have more time to look for replacement..
I WAS WRONG. Totally wrong.. when I got the phone call from sister telling me that she left.. It was another heartbreaking. I was shivering. O'Lord tell me why these happened? I know I know that this is the best way for her to end her pain and her suffering life, but why get her this disease in her life, why end her life when she was supposed to enjoy her entire life when her children get to be filial to her. She could have waited the day to come..
I hated the cousin whom I not even really met for few times after I've lived for this 21 years. I hated especially her. WTF SHE'S YOUR MOTHER WHAT IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO PAY HER LAST RESPECT YOU TELL ME? BEING THE ELDEST AND THINK BACK HOW SHE PROTECTED YOU WHEN SHE WAS STILL CARRYING YOU IN HER STOMACH?! THE DRUG ADDICT HUSBAND KICKED HER AND SHE PROTECTED YOU WITH HER LIFE. WTF WTF WTF DID YOU JUST DO TO REPAY HER?! I shall say no more perhaps. I have been holding on my anger calling you "DA BIAO JIE" in front of my aunt, ya perhaps you're still blind folded not knowing the truth behind everything, but please, even your brothers could think better than you to pay last respect for the mother. SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!! NO MATTER HOW YOUR FATHER'S SIDE MIND FUCKED YOU SHE'S AFTER ALL YOUR MOTHER! Use your bloody brain to think, you should be able to think better when you're mother of TWO children. Damn it. Because of Er Yi, I swallowed all my anger and let the funeral to be at the very peace. I wanted to scold you and even giving you a slap hoping you would wake up from your nonsenses.
You bloodily got her last will vanished. AND I HATE YOU. Karma. You will receive it, for what you have done, seriously.
Two heartbreaks in two months wtf.
I hate it when I myself already feeling the very pain, I still have to comfort the people around me. Can I just die as well. I hate life. I really do. Dear Stcp, guide me. I know you're fine, but if you happen to see my Er Yi and Yi Zhang, please help to take care of them with your daddy. Tell them that all of us will be good.
It's really torturing me. Hell no I can never cry out in front of people anymore no matter how much I feel like. BULLSHIT LIFE. YA O'LORD, TAKE ME AWAY TOO IF YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE ANY. ME!!!! NOT THEM ANYMORE. NO MORE!!!!
Er Yi, please rest in peace. I promise that I will love Xin Hui more, yes I will do.
Dear Stcp and Daddy, rest in peace too, for I will love mummy, jiejie and ur family and take the very best care of them when I still afford to.
KILL ME PLEASE.
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