And perhaps you were the only one.

This evening, I thought of you again out of nowhere, and my heart does ache for you still, shouldn't I have gotten rid of you? Memory strikes when I was listening to some songs while walking on my way home. Nothing beats the uncontrollable tears dripping and I really don't know the reason of that sudden attack. I always thought I have already let you go, perhaps not totally do but mostly. Also, I thought I would not cry over you again, but I have proven myself wrong again and again.

I gave up.

Can you really feel that I miss you real loads? As usual I reminisced our first bumping into each other at the school auditorium during my freshmen orientation; how did you first eyed on me and we started chatting with each other; those silliest but warmest things you have done for me; so much attentions that you have put on me; when we started holding each others hand after your first confession yet we did not kick start our relationship; you finally made the second confession via the late night phone calls; you were so excited and you bragged about me to your family; and we finally got together after months of dealing with each other. Everything was so sweet and perfect until we started to quarrel and we finally ended our relationship with a break up.

You raised me up, dear Stcp. I had the most love and care and concern from you in the foreign land. No one has ever wanted me so badly that you even insisted of wanting me to be in your life when I still couldn't let go of my first relationship. I have ceased to know about this earlier, but only when you're already in the hands of God..., when your dearest sister told me how struggled you were when you were bracing yourself to take such big step out to get me in your life. Yet I failed you, and I regretted my decision to initiate the break up. I really do.

Probably I won't be able to find a person who would go all out just to get me in their life like you did, or perhaps I should say.. I don't know where to look out for someone like you anymore, who used to love me more than I did. Those memories were priceless, because I once had the greatest love that I should have appreciated, and perhaps things would be different now.. Perhaps you were the only loved one that would be sacrificing this much for me, and I could impossibly meet someone who loves me like you once did anymore, I supposed.

Thank you darling to have influenced me that much, which has shaped me to become a much better person. Yes my life was in a total mess, but thank you so much I have eventually learned to be brave, be tough, also bold. I learned to take things positively, to not taking things for granted, to be contented, to be cheerful, and to brace myself. I am all better because of you, therefore thank you, darling.

Now when I couldn't hold my tears, I apologise, alright? Don't be mad at me anymore.