This Singapore has given me litres of tears. Either the tears of joy, or the tears of all sadness.

I thank them to fill themselves into my life, the empty-before life, thank goodness that it is now getting full. Am indeed happier, with them, without you, darling. 

For almost every seconds and even in my dream, you will be there as if you never leave me before. That feeling made me feel so much like suffocated, yet I feel contented with your still-existence. Darling, how are you. How exactly you are now. Did I ever cross your mind for even a second? 

I lost friends because of our break up and they have gone disappear after you left. I suffered the worst one year in my life until I met them, until I left the island. That was the worst ever life I have ever experienced, when I was yelling in pain but no one cared, when I was traumatizing but no one had given me a fuck.. 

Nothing good happened since you left and until they came.

Seow Hung, Si Hui, Hui Tong, Mayer, Jie Xiang, Zhi Huan and Lao Da. They were the ones who gave me strength and let me not feeling neglected. Never forget to ask me along for any activities and made me feel that am actually part of them. Thanks for taking me as friend peeps. 

The moment I went boarding in, I cried like the world's ending. Funny me, with those mixed feelings. I know I am going to miss them, but at the same time I was wondering if they were the only reasons. No. SPENCER TAN CHEE PHANG. You were there in my mind. I yelled. I do not want to leave at all, really... Knowing that this place has given me lots of tormenting memories. I cursed this place, I blessed this place, I hated this place, I loved this place. I still do. 

Oh yeah, they are those who came and sent me to the airport. All the seven. And thanks guys, especially Jie Xiang, Mayer, Lao Da, Si Hui and Hui Tong who helped carrying my stuffs all the way from Tampines to Jurong and from Jurong to the Airport. And all of them, stayed over night at the airport with me, had another session of farewell, and sending me off. We hugged. 

Had heart to heart talk after some sessions of monopoly deals. We talked about each others' love stories with ex, and I just realized that the everyone over there is single. Some experienced the similar story, some still couldn't let go of the past, some took relationship as something troublesome, and loads and loads of different kind of thoughts after a failed relationship. 

They knew about the six years promises from me to him. They said am stupid for having such promise to myself and to him and they insisted that he does not worth my waiting.. I do not know whether there is such measurement to determine whether something is meant to worth your effort but, I will just try. Like I said, whether to take it as a period to improve myself or a period to wait for you, it still gonna be a six year. I hope I worth your waiting darling. 

Alright, I actually remember the warmest words from you guys, and there came the big shock when y'all suggested me and said 'We rather you use the six year to mix with us than using the six years to wait for him that will never return'. Yeah. True of what have been said, but can I in the meanwhile doing my waiting and mix with you guys at the same time? 

Three years passed. I had you, I had them and now I have them. 

^ Ahhhh all of them were there to send me off. I was happy and touched. Duh. Thanks and ILY guys.. ")

^ Pre-departure, at the KFC, Me and Seow Hung aka Da Jie. She has the big sister style!

^ At the KFC the night before departure, Si Hui and I~ She's the most innocent sis among all. She's cute!

^ Take two with Si Hui in the morning before I went into the checkpoint!

^ Me with Hui Tong. She was the one who gave me this similar-to-the-one-he-gave hello kitty. Hmms Lao Da was hungry..

^ This one. Effort from Hui Tong! ")

^ Me with Jie Xiang the spiderman ^.^ Hahaha. I shall say that these friends love to do effect behind every photo. Haha!

^ Zhi Huan beside me! Hahaha! Finally lots of photo with him after every time without him taking photos with me!

^ So here is the Lao Da. Am the smallest he's the biggest in size. Haha!

^ Mayer the chef! Hahaha I like his hair style it's so Mayer isn't it.

^ The night was blessed with them loving my kitty specs and plushy. Alright this is Zhi Huan aka Huan Er! "D

^ The Spiderman with my kitty. Hahaha Jie Xiang was probably tired and he had a nap!

^ The "HEHEHE" face by Mayer! CUTE RIGHTTTT!!

Alright, shall I show some photos from the Polaroid of Seow Hung when we went to hang out last time..? Duh.

^ Yupp these are the awesomeness! ")

^ Hahaha! The two absentees. Photos with them! ") JieXiang and Zhi Huan!! "D

^ Mayer and his bestie Humphrey!

Before I went into the gate and depart, they sent me funny photos to make me laugh and smile. I can't hold crying after I went in although I did not cry in front of them. Hold and hold and I managed to hold the tears until I went in to the check point. I will miss them badly duh.

^ Steady Luh! By Mayer hahaha! Yeah he is cool huh!

^ Si Hui also had a steady pose. Hahaha she's cool too!

I swear that I appreciate them all. Thanks and thanks and real thanks and thanks God for having you guys as my friends. ILYA♥♥♥.

A great way to keep the love deep enough in me, when you will never remember any of these.

Shall we talk about our past today? I feel thankful because you still leave me with a box of memories about us. Thank you darling.

I was packing our stuffs that day, and I cleared out all "spencertancheephang-related" stuffs and put them in the box. I realized that I am blessed with your presence for the past years when we were together. Like, as if it was still yesterday, as if you are still with me. I thank you for not leaving me to mourn on my failed-first relationship and aided me to go through it, to get over him, to fall in love with you, to fall deep in love in you, and to mourn for our dead relationship too...

Too much to be kept, too much memories revolving in me. I wish to start all over again, and I promise I will do better and to strike for the best if am given another chance. I swear.

Pictures time, let's walk down to the memory lane...

^ Food straps... to share our passion towards McD breeze... 

^ This is how it looks like, the complete set of McD's food straps. Do you still remember about the Monopoly game from McD and you almost won a Macbook Air? I was laughing at your rotten luck that time...

^ This is what you got for me. Remember? Although we have broken up at that point of time, but still thank you for remembering me, my passion towards the beloved hello kitty...

^ Ahh. I couldn't resist the Hello Kitty you gave... These are the gummy candies you bought for me remember? Everything is about Hello Kitty. Thanks for loving her too...

^ The Cheers craze. We fought hard together to get the adorable them. Food from Cheers, effort from cheers. I know that you just want me to be happy darling...

^ Uhm, so yarr, this is not what you gave, but it's what I gave you. The expensive unreasonable pricing of Godiva Chocolatier. I gave you the dark chocolate one when I got back from Msia, and we have broken up at that point of time too. I gave you, but days later you called and you apologized, telling me the chocolates have been eaten by your daddy. I was like 'OHMYTIAN NVM'...

^ Nah, my first birthday present from you. I could still remember everything that happened... Your grandma passed away two that friday before my birthday. I didn't understand your situation well and I blamed you for this. I blamed you for not accompanying me home and say you gonna rush home for some other work but you won't tell me what are you going to do. I later on know that you went all the way to Malaysia at night to get me this watch you hunted. I was like the worry and angry cause none of my calls reached you. You explained later on, and I was touched. I was really really touched and I was extremely guilty for what I have mistaken towards you. Darling, please forgive me. I thank you for still coming to my house once you rushed back from your grandma's funeral. I should have understand deeply of how much you cared and loved me. It was 1am on the 19.01.2011, my 19th birthday. Thank you, thank you for the loves you poured on me. ILY...

^ You were worrying about my health condition and want my health level to be better and better. You gave me spirulina, bottles and bottles and demand me to finish it and not to try saving them for you. I know it's expensive. I appreciate the every morning calls and nags to bug me eating these. For the El Marino, thanks too, for passing them to me. We were actually done that time when you passed me these. You were in army. You said that you just realized these health products are for ladies, and you secretly told me you ate some of them.. Do you know, that when you told me these, first thing that came into my mind was "HEY HAS YOUR LADIES HORMONES INCREASED?" Sorry for thinking that way, but, yea, thanks thanks thanks...

^ Not to let this most important memory disappear. I could still remember how you first confessed. We watched Karate Kid, and you were prepared! You brought along the sweater for me, afraid if am gonna caught in cold, and when the movie ended, you took out this lovely and you confessed "可以做我的女朋友吗？" You mentioned every words clearly and carefully. That was the first time I experienced such way of confessing and of course, I was in shock. I have not gotten over YBJ yet at that point of time, and although I do feel good towards you, and although I did like you already, I rejected. I told myself not to fool one's relationship when I was still unprepared. I could proudly tell you with a firm answer, that I LOVE YOU. I REALLY DO. But it's all too late... Okay back to the story. 2 months later, I was kind of sure that I would like to try a relationship with you. We started our first few hours of date via phone and we watched movies the next day. Am gonna miss those days loads...

^ Remember? Your fierce face when you took photos for your passport. And your photo when you were young.. Such a big difference heh? And me too, the childish look of me! and of course, our photo, which I wash the photo out and put it inside your wallet as your anniversary gift, but guess you have thrown it away. Did you still keep it? I don't think so...

^ Chocolate from you by your brother who bought it from Japan when he had his holiday there with his ex girlfie Casper. 白色恋人 is the name. I saw in tv show few days back the process of making this. It's made with full of love, like really. I keep food not because they are not nice or delicious for me, but am not willing to eat them up. I just love to keep things.

^ You had a time when you were deep in love with the cheap dvd disc. There you were, bought me this to cast my boredom away. I will still be keeping this forever.

^ Look at this, Redondo from you. This is one of the box that I kept. Some WERE with you. ARE they with you still? I do not know. Anyway, yeah thanks darling for satisfying my crave during the exam period...

^ Zinc bag that you have bought for me. I remember how I wanted this so much and thank you. I brought her to school everyday, but you were always the one who carried here while walking home with me everyday, for an hour journey, you did not blame, you willingly, did not always leave me alone walking home. We argued and you did walk away, but you'd always hide somewhere else and make sure that am fine. I always pretended that I do not know about it because I want to taste more the feeling of one concerning about you and love you. Am sorry for being insecure all along. I guess you too, suffered real lot with me, never been happy once I guess...

^ I was once craving badly for Bak Kut Teh, and I had always bugged you to bring me to some traditional plus original place for BKT. There you were, you told me this Song Fa BKT is the most well known one in Singapore, and we went there, all the way to Clarke Quay, just to satisfy my crave towards the real BKT. This did not taste the same, however, it was still better compare to the rest. Like a pepper soup like that. DUH...

^ This was some days after my orientation, and I guess that you have forgotten that you passed me this. We were still friends I guess, or something more than friends already? I will always remember you and love  darling, until the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, which that means NEVER. ILY STCP.

^ Remember this? Our Baskin Robbin memories. We tried flavours of the ice creams before able to decide on our desired flavour. You ordered the frozen yoghurt flavours while me ordered the typical ice cream flavours. Remember? You always tell me rum and raisins is the perfect flavours of yours. We both loved Baskin Robbin.

^ Still able to recall this sushi maker? I've improved my skills on making sushi where I do not need the mod anymore. I know I did promise you make for you but ended up a failed plan due to availability of the use of landlord's kitchen... Let me make you a deal. I will let you try once, at least once in my life before my death comes to lead my way, I will make sushi for you. I can't take it to not able to keep promises for you anymore. I wanna prove that I love you even if one day I won't be able to do so anymore...

^ These are two of the many cases that you have bought for me. You know, what did you tell me when you bought this? We both had one, and it made our phone the exact couple case. You told me that this gonna be easier for me to watch the movies via my phone cause I was the typical movies and dramas lover!!

The Christmas eve gift exchange draws. I eyed on this bracelets, and hell ya, you got it. And you gave it to me.

^ Alright, I bet you gonna remember this for your lifetime. Darling I did not throw any of you ex girlfriend's gifts that you passed to me. I did jealous when I see her things with you, and I demanded that I do not like to see any of them. You passed me all of them. Yet, I threw nothing. I was trying to save myself when I told myself not to throw them off because I do not want you to throw my things off when we are done too. It happened, but I do not know if you still keep them or what, or you have frozen them in some corner that you will never realized? I hope not...

^ Phewwwiiiittt! Yups. Our MP4 that you hated the most cause it was almost like a malfunction one. You bought one for me during an IT Show. Did you still remember how much have you praised about this reddie before you cursed this malfunction MP4? I was like "See, told ya not to buy right right right"...

 

^ Lots of big and small stuffs. This Ferrero Box itself has the meaning. It was my birthday present from you remember? You bought me real lots of stuffs. Like the aluminium case, the hair treatment oil, and the hearts, remember? I did that for your 20th birthday darling.

^ Alright, the most irrational stuff I did gonna be this. I do not know what made it the effort for me to get to your house the next day straight after I arrived in Singapore. I took the bus alone for the first time to an unfamiliar place which I have visited only once. I called you but what you did... You asked me to get home and not coming alone but I refuses to. I know that I have to make the last effort... What would it gonna be if I be patient enough to wait for your arrival at home after one night staying at your house? I did housework and cleaned the room for your mum. Darling. I missed you real lots of time.

  

^ Alright, another collection series from the McD. Look at our effot and we all know how crazy we were towards the freebies. I miss the moments darling.. I love you and I appreciate them, as you have tried to eat Mac to not miss collecting any of them for me. You ate double the meal cause you wanted to get a pair. One for me and one for you. and it made a perfect dozen.

Alright, guess that am kind of tired posting the stuffs. It's time to box them in right... See you soon all my darlings...

^ Nah. I have put them al in this box. Such big boxes of memory of us. Look at the Cheers Teddy? It was the first teddy even before we got together. The iphone, the love bracelet you gave during the TPIS Christmas Day Gift Exchange event, and many many things...

Yup, there are in the boxes and am gonna get them back to my house soon. Spencer's 0818, am not going to give up on our memories we had. I am going to remember it until when I got some sickness which causes me to forget you soon. I hope not so soon...

I have finally done blogging about this. Am tired. Am sleeping soon. Good night baby.

LOOK! I am doing my best to be happier already!

I was deciding whether to blog in Mandarin or English. I've chosen the latter, so yarr, bear with my command in English please... 

Being playful, being workaholic, being hardworking to pack my stuffs these few days. Therefore I did not blog any, neither I did to switch on my lappy that frequent. Uhm, I have mixed feelings. MIXED ONE. I do not even understand whether I love to live such lives, or am gonna regret leading life like this - I COULDN'T FIND ANY REASON NOT TO DO SO. I want to be happy... or happier... at least, understand me.

27 MARCH 2013 (WEDNESDAY)

I declare this my first time visiting to ZOUK!! Yay, the very first time, and I did prepare for it. Pre-party, I went to Bugis to search for party dress. Perhaps am too thin to fit them on, and I ended up buying nothing, like doing the mere window shopping, this is disgracing... NEVERMIND. Xiao Thoung was with me that night, mainly because her boyfie wasn't really free or what, for whatever reason, I still appreciate her company. We met up with Lao Da and Da Jie (Sorry Seow Hung, I prefer calling you Da Jie over here but feel more comfortable calling you with names outside...) Went Nando's for dinner and we had our chats for an hour plus. Jordan joined us later on, and I was like "Wah, the whole gang was like coming to my rescue to shop for my party dress like that?" Went to the Bugis+, the Bugis Street, as well the Bugis Junction, trying to hunt for dresses, but to no avail... I hence decided to wear the in-trend so called "broom-like-dress", like a lamer heh..

I did some makeover, and curled my hair, put on perfumes, and I headed to Mayer's house soon after. I was late, but never mind, he just done preparing his... ok I shall just call that SPAGHETTI, the fried one, but an awesome one. Thanks to chef Mayer! 

Isn't this awesome?

We were done eating and I waited them to get prepared. Setting hair is the most important task for guys perhaps. We cabbed down to the Zouk. That was a ladies night. Sihui and I went in to queue for stamps on our hands and we hand over our handbags to the keeper. Later on, we walked a distance with Mayer, Jie Xiang and Lao Da to Holiday Inn to get liquors. They got us Bacardi Gold and a Jack Daniel's. We met up with Daniel who came later, also Ruixing and Kexing, and one of their friend Shuhnel (I hope I spelled it correctly...) Daniel lead the way to the bridge, we sat at a corner and we started drinking. Xiao Thoung and Shao Quan joined later on, but they brought along his army friends as well.. We continued. I was smart for this time. I knew what was I doing, and I knew that I was somehow drunk and hyped and keep wanting to game but I couldn't control my deeds. I couldn't walk properly and I needed people to hold me. 

Yeaps, I hope that I have enough of my own memories visiting the club for first time. I could vividly remember Daniel hold me down to the dance floor, but we ended up getting up from that crowded and suffocating place because I can't stand the crowd. I just can't make myself to dance like them, my own problem maybe..

This is exactly my impression towards Zouk, and I could feel the atmosphere inside the club.

Lights on at around 04:30a.m. and we left the place. I was much more awake as compared to when I first went in. After the youngsters' smoking sessions outside the club, and after seeing funny jokes people did when they got drunk, we decided to walk to Tiong Baru Plaza for Bak Chor Mee as breakfast before going home. TIONG BARU PLAZA FROM ZOUK PEOPLE AND WE WALKED THERE. I think am awesome walking on my bare feet. My heels are killing and the blisters.. duh. 

Mayer and Lao Da sent me home. The next morning when I thought I was like quite have-it-in-mind about happenings last night, Daniel got me a freaking info about me. I CALLED HIM. I BLOODY CALLED HIM. The first thing I did was to check my call history. Yeaps.. 10 calls in totals. Some were either picked up or cancelled or rejected or what. Know what? I feel like slapping myself. Why would I not know things I did because of STCP this character in my life who is not supposed to appear in my mind anymore. It is already the second time I got drunk and did stupid things because of him. WHACK ME PLEASE. However, I wonder too. Why could he not giving me a damn when I called. Was he all along that cruel or what. I was imagining WHAT IF I am at the edge of dying and I could only call him, and what is going to happen to me if ignorance leads the concern.. Okay. Time heals..

The 2am craze.. Sorry for calling though.

By the way, I tried clubbing not because of whatever showing off reasons, but I went in with the main purpose to immersed myself into the atmosphere and to get the better understanding of your situation when I club. I do not know whether you enjoy clubbing, but I don't, except when friends are around and neglect no me. Yarr. 


28 MARCH 2013 (THURSDAY)

Happy hour continues the next night, when we went to Top One for KTV sessions. Me, Da Jie, Zhi Huan, Sihui, Mayer, Jie Xiang, Lao Da, Thoung and Shao Quan. Ordered the same Macallan but I did not drink much that time. I was asked to drink lesser and to best keeping it to a maximum of 2 glasses. I did not get drunk! Anyway, that was probably the last official farewell to Thoung and I. She was flying off the next day, and she went to sleep at her boyfie's house instead of spending the last night pillow talk with me. I thought to have one but then, it's fine. Being sticky to boyfie has no wrong, and as one said, every couple has their own rules, perhaps they love cuddling each other or what, yeah, which I shouldn't care anymore. I wished her bon voyage and a safe flight though. 

Coming back to the topic, I would really envy people who could sing so well. Like Mayer and Da Jie all of them. Only me who couldn't sing well.. It's somehow disgracing me duh. I recorded their singing!! I was bored at times therefore I kept gaming with whoever free from singing like Sihui and Zhi Huan. Hmms, however the next day I got to know something very disappointing, like kind of disappointing, when one told me the reason she asked me to game with her. It was bloody an agreement between the couple to solve their own situation and I was then like a tool used. Not really happy, but I at the same time do not understand why could one do so to me.. 

The craze went through the night and we had our Mc Breakfast until 8am in the morning. I was really thinking if my body can support me well to lead life like this. ANYWAY, I am really really really thankful to have them by my side. I do not know if I can be their bff since I joined only later on, but still, THANK YOU LOVELY YOUS ^.^

Saddest part is - This is the only photos that I've taken with you guys, and it was during my bday celeb. Lao Da and Zhi Huan, I shall take with you guys soon too!

01 APRIL 2013 (MONDAY)  

Friday? Nothing special. It was a God Friday which I will never celebrate. I slept until 3pm in the afternoon and I later on started to pack my stuffs while next days Saturday and Sunday were my working days. My last day being a promoter. It was like, everything is really ending. I love to be in Brother's family I love the people over there I swear. I have gone thru every problems solving from customers, and to face different customers' attitudes and to learn to deal with them in a proper manner. To be exact, I have grown up, at least a little...?

Because of the people here, am blessed with a happier life.

APRIL FOOL!! Like how it is supposed to be, to fool people without responsibility that you are gonna hurt them. He's the best example. Although he might not be one, but am taking him as. I admit that I was in a sudden excitement when you called, especially when I tried to see if the ringtone can last a three seconds before you kup my phone.. You did, but when I picked up the phone the other end was in a total silence. Something unglamorous did come across my mind where I guess perhaps it's your oh-my-darling who trying to prank me for you? Haha, I ended up choosing not to guess anything, anymore. Let bygone be bygone alright? 

Look at you. Your call made me missing you again and again darling.

Despite the unhappy 2 seconds moment, I again feel glad to have these friends. Sihui, HuiTong, Mayer, and Jie Xiang came over to my rescue! I have to move my stuffs to Jurong today and they came down to lend me their hands. We got two cabs headed to Jurong. Cool heh? Money flows like a water tap! 

I was a little bu she de when I said goodbye to the landlord aunty, although she used to go into people's room without permissions and so on. ANYWAY, I WILL DEFINITELY MISS HER, and thanks to the Papa in Heaven, to have lead us to her, and to at least have great room to stay in the three years time. 


Alright, am tired. Perhaps I shall continue the next part some other days later or what? Am going to the zoo with Sahvi and Bern tomorrow and I shall not be late!!   

I hope that am starting to love my life without you, darling.

Hi Sergeant Tan, I bless you for your achievement, and still love you more than how I used to. Not because of your current status and identity, but for who you were and who you are now.

Thing goes right this way..

I have been a workaholic in the past two weeks time right after the IT show. Drinking and fooling around, or worse, day dreaming on my bed, has been my past time entertainment.

My first entertainment of the month was going out with my Brother's Family. Dajie, JieXiang, Mayer, Jordan, and not to forget my new friends Laoda, ZhaoKiat and Shernice! My only regret was not taking photo with them. I should have done so, but never mind, there is still a long way to go, hopefully. ")

It was a luxurious Thursday, or I should say, it was definitely a satisfying Thursday. 

I went for Ice Skating, with Thoung and two of my besties classmates - Bern and Sahvi. 
 
We skated for two hours, and within the hours I fell down for a three times. How embarrassing it was. Imagine me. I was hoping and was thinking, how good and awesome everything could be, if you're the one beside me, to teach me on how to skate, or just stay by my side. No doubt that it will be an extremely wonderful afternoon.  

Oh dear, I really miss you.

The gloves for the four of us from Daiso! The leopard printed one is mine!

Me together with Thoung, like finally an outing with her after months.

^The random four of us. Thanks girl and I love each and everyone of you!

After the skating moments, the four of us went to the NEX shopping complex, and had our dinner at the Hot Tomato restaurant. Here it is, the Lamb Chop & Bratwurst! Am not trying to say that this is bla bla bla an awesome and superlicious dinner or what, but most importantly it was really a great night out with the girls. 

^Lamb Chop & Bratwurst @ Hot Tomato, NEX that I have ordered for the night!

The schedule of the day did not end just like that. I met up with Daniel first at Dhoby Ghaut and we went Clarke Quay together. He brought me along and show me how merry the night could be in CQ, and I was amazed. I saw exactly how Sisha looks like too. Daniel later on directed me to Aqua Nova, and we sat down and had some drinks together while waiting for the rest. He ordered me a HoeGarden. It was a nice beer but I could neither drink a lot or fast, therefore, before I could finish even one-third of it, Daniel left with only one-fifth and we then exchanged the drinks. We had chats regarding our own relationships, about my future studies, and gave advice to each other on how could we improve our life. He could be the best listening ears and the reading eyes whenever I need one. This is the reason why I appreciate every friendships that comes to me. 

Soon after the drinks, we went to the Burger King at the Central because Daniel was hungry! We continue our chats, and soon later JieXiang arrived. He was hungry too haha so poor thing! Followed by Thoung after her gathering with her classmates, so as Silvia, Daniel's buddy!While ChunHong arrived soon later when we were about to leave the restaurant. 

Uhm, we headed to the Planet Paradise at the Liang Court. They needed to check our identity card, therefore, I was in rush and panic for a little because I did not bring my Student pass along but luckily I got my NRIC with me. I was like - Aww can't be blamed, I shall remember to bring my pass along next time to avoid any misunderstanding of my age, hell ya!

Dajie, Sihui, Mayer and Jordan soon arrived. Daniel ordered the Courvoisier V.S.O.P Cognac and a tower of beer. The game started! *Scissors-Paper-Stone* and after a few round, I started to feel dizzy and I went to the washroom. I thought everything was alright and I should be fine, but later on, thing goes wrong when I realized myself on my own bed the next morning. I was finally drunk for the first time. 

I glanced thru the conversation in the group chats, and realized that big thing goes wrong. I acted accordingly after I got drunk. Almost every of them described to me what have I done to them. I burst out laughing after listening and reading what have I actually done. Anyway, I feel a lot better actually after the hangovers.

Daniel told me these in the chat. 

"Thing goes like that. I was seated next to you after Seow Hung left. Then suddenly you started crying. So I pulled you out of the place to let you cool down. But you cried even more. So I brought you to the bridge, cos there prettier and I thought it would brighten up your mood abit. But I was wrong. You cried even more and said a lot of things about your regrets. Then we stood there for super long and you can't stop crying. Told me hell lot of stuff and then Si Hui and Mayer came. But I told them to wait at aside cos didn't want them to see you cry and all. Then more talking and more crying. So I said, stop crying, the rest are waiting. After that I went for a smoke with Sihui, JX dajie's brother and Mayer and we went in to take our belongings and left. 

They didn't want to go home. So went mac for breakfast. Along the way you can't even walk straight and Chun Hong was holding on to you. But I was like you are very uncomfortable but that Chun Hong just kept holding cos he scare you fall down. So ya loh. 

At mac, you just kept staring at the phone and you shared about the cake, the bday party." 

I feel so sorry for what I have done after the drink and caused the troubles for them to take care of me. However, I feel glad to have them in my life. I mean it. I thank them for asking me to sing out loud during the karaoke session at the KTV last week and not to keep things in me, and keep me company when I needed them. Life with them actually cures me better as compared to the solitaire me. 

I love each and every of them. ")

Hell ya, and on the 6th April, it's gonna be Siaoyen's wedding day and was asked to be the bridesmaid. Oh dear, I hell don't think I can be one, as I don't even have the time to prepare the proper attire and everything needed. Perhaps I shall just be with the Sisters. Not to forget the attire for the wedding night? 

Urhhhhh as well to dig out any party dress for next week. Ohmytian. Anyway, am blessed with programs next week. Monday the movie date with Huitong and one person more maybe, then the party invitation at the club for the first time with Daniel and the gang, also the KTV session again on the next night throughout the night. And Thursday daytime shall be another date with my girls at the Zoo! ") 

World, please keep my mind occupied with entertainments and I shall not remember you, darling. 

小三之说

我必须承认说，
不被爱的那个是永远的小三。

虽然这么说，
若我说，
当一个人知道一个女的还在努力时，
努力在挽回自己男人的心时，
知情的那个她，
不惜暗地里耍刀枪，
得到了他。

是，他爱她，
可她干了什么？

爱情饮料，
一个人喝时，涩涩的。
两个人喝时，甜甜的。
三个人喝时，酸酸的。

万物尽酸，都已一年多了。
可我就是放不下。

觉得好笑时，
是看见说，怎么你三年前的小说论，
让我觉得你好大姐大。

看了以后，我笑了。
一切也算了。

你的她说她说，
也许能直接一些吧，
只是觉得，你好像在尝试表达一些讯息给别人。

误导没关系，有人懂就好。

没事。
大你个三岁，总得比你会想，不然，我会比狐狸更狼。

谢谢你给的那一小时幸福

多久没在睡梦中看见你了。

谢谢刚才，给了我美丽的梦中梦。
虽然才一小时，可谢谢你。

梦见我们在第一次见面的地方重遇，
你回来了。

你抚摸了我的头发，告诉我你回来了。
之前的种种，你告诉我说，
都过去了。
你向我说抱歉，
我亦急得哭了。

你说，不会再让我伤心难过。
我开心了。

可怎么，那只是一场梦。
梦里的结局，是我最终了结了自己。

美梦中，短暂的幸福，
我也许该知足。

我能说，分手一周年快乐吗？

就这样，分手一年了。

 现在凌晨一点十七分。

想着去年的今天，
我竟是在琢磨着如何向你开口，
一切与你的爱情，斩断与三月十一日。

工作的四天里，
尽情的要逃避一切可能的负面思想，
可就是，不行。

记得一个月前偷偷看了你上机，
到今早记得你快要回来，
明明就，多久不见了，其实不必想念了，
可就是，很痛。

在列车里正在回家路上的我，
想着，怎么一切忙碌就这么停止了。
我害怕，真的彷徨。

该怎么面对内心里的歇斯底里，
以及顾及在大众面前所以不能哭的闭憋。

真的憎恶自己。

爱你，真的爱。
可一切于事无补。
藏在心里，不能告诉你。
再也没有资格说爱你。

陈智鹏，会想到去年今天我带给你的伤痛吗？　
对不起，
对不起，
真的，对不起。

忘了我也不错，
谁让我只让你痛苦地爱着这么任性的我。

尽力了，
曾经你分手当天摆在我家门口的信，和巧克力，
我没有用，我找不回。
可我现在明白你当初的痛楚，我对不起你。

真的，如果说...

嗯，没有如果。
已经发生了。


我，爱你。
还爱。
真的。

还有那五天

就多那五天。

今天又再兴起想要部落。
不知是心情低落，抑或意识清晰，
告诉我说那日子近了。

心跳的节奏，让我快跟不上拍子。
熟不知自己在紧张些什么，
或者害怕着什么。

最近烦恼我的，
就是一个月前发生的事。

朋友叫我无论如何要这么做，
可我不忍，也不敢让你知道，
想在这里述明，也不能。
说着说着，就和朋友吵起来，很不好受。

万一真的，该怎么办。
万一假的，我能怎样。

心痛的感觉还存在，
能否说明，我真的还好在乎你。

你的无情阐明了你对我的绝情。
 
也许，我只是你的过渡期。
也许，你从来没爱过我。
也许，你未曾在乎。

我认命。
注定永远是痛苦的那一方。

AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD ")

HEY BLOODY.

KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE PISSED ME OFF, FOR TWISTING WORDS I HAVE SPOKEN TO YOU. WHAT I COULD SAY WOULD BE, I WILL SYMPATHIZE YOU HELL DOWN IF YOU NEED THIS WAY TO SECURE HIM MORE AND MORE. FUNNERH. BLOODILY FUNNY. LIKE A ???. SORRY, WON'T NAME YOU IN ANYMORE POLITE WAY. 

PERHAPS I SHALL SAY, I SHALL ONE DAY POST EVERYTHING YOU SENT ME, TO SHOW TO THE WORLD HOW CONTRADICTING YOUR WORDS ARE. BLOODY. STILL BLOODILY IRRITATING. LET THE WORLD JUDGE. 

I REMEMBER I PROMISE MYSELF A SIX YEAR. I HECK CARE WHO HE BEING WITH NOW AND THEN. IT'S MY OWN PROMISE. DID I EVER INTERRUPT NOW? DAMN IT IRRITATING UH?

HEY SPENCER TAN. 

HECK TAKE CARE OF YOUR BLOODY GIRLFRIEND. YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU WANNA TRUST WHATEVER SHE SAY, AND WHATEVER SHE CLAIMED IS. IT IS BLOODY YOUR BUSINESS. I LOVE YOU, I DO, BUT DO NOT PISSED ME OFF. MIND WHAT TO BE SAID IN A BLOG, TELL THE TRUTH, NOT TO TRY TWISTING THE TRUTH. 

I SAY I LOVE YOU, IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE, AND AM NOT ASKING YOU TO LOVE ME BACK. I KNOW IT WILL NEVER BE, SINCE ONE HAS CAME IN TO INTERRUPT MY EFFORTS.

AND TO THE BOTH OF YOU.

I NEVER DOUBT THAT YOU GUYS WILL BE LONG, BLOODILY LONG. AND I EVEN TOLD YOUR MUM, HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND HOW CAN THAT GIRL MAKE YOU SMILE BLA BLA BLA, AND IT SEEMS TO BE A BLOODY HELP TO PERSUADE HER SO. 

DO NOT FORCE ME TO DO SOMETHING AGAINST MY WILL. I TRIED TO ACCEPT, SO PLEASE DO NOT BLOODILY THINK OF THIS AND THAT. WERE YOU BORED WITHOUT HIM AROUND AND THUS YOU WROTE THOSE FUNNY THINGS? NOT FUNNY. REALLY. I AM REALLY PISSED.