She is finally done with her paper, and she is feeling real good, at the same time wishing she did not screw that paper up for the second time. Life is good when you have to undergo stress no more.
But somehow life is unpredictable.
You know when you used to a person's existence, it was not long, but enough for you to miss him quite a lot, and when the person stopped doing that for whichever reason, you could feel the extreme emptiness. You used to laugh so much for the past months with him around, and suddenly you have to get used to the solitary life once again.
That's the reason why she rather be alone. "If there is no hope, then there will be no disappointment". She keeps having to learn this, just because she always thought she could hope for something. Who knows they just love to disappoint her, yah right.
There's also a saying recently, on the social media. It says one could live alone, without problem at all, problems lie whether the one person fancy living alone. She doesn't. At least SHE DOESN'T.. Perhaps you would tell her, yes girl try living without a relationship, chase for dreams and all. Believe her. She understands that pretty well too, just that when all the disappointments in life strikes you all at one, you have no more reason to feel anything, anymore.
But loneliness really sucks.
She wants an everlasting relationship. Just one last one, and she does not ask for more, she simply needs one simple one. After the heartbreaks, after all the trials and tribulations, she understands that she could not ask for more when she has once loved too hard, and fell too deeply. Heart does ache when her memory knocks its door. She still do feel the pain she felt years ago, and her guilt never failed to haunt her.
She simply misses the one person that influenced her so much, which is enough to change her whole life, like the way she look at the world, the way she think about things, and all. However, she knows, she knows that she has to get up and move on. She has tried that 2 years plus ago, and she knows she is trying really hard to be one tough lady.
Now she is finally seeing someone. Someone she calls him her crush, yet he could not do anything but to pretend like nothing happen. She wants to just make a step out, but she is too afraid to. The word Disappointment has been there in her brain cells for too long, and her heart has that word carving on it too. She is too afraid to make any step out, but could the person make that step out for her, for once?
However, sometimes she rather continue to mourn for her past relationship, without the dare to go for another one. She thinks, it could be better for her, be fair for him, because this girl will go all out for who she wants, for the relationship she pursues. Adding in any situation if things are not turning out well, she doesn't know if she could take in any further heartbreaks. She will never know what to do anymore.
She is this contradicting. She couldn't help herself.
Having affection towards someone is easy, liking them takes a little courage, but to love that someone, she has to take a step back to think. She's really afraid to fall in love again.
She needs a soul mate, a life partner, who could cheer her up every day. He could just need his own charm, to make her smile when she sees him, to laugh at his jokes even when he has not spoken out. She just wish to be this happy - To be able to laugh on and on.
She smiles a lot, but she doesn't use to laugh a lot.
If she does that in front of you, she's prolly a keeper.
Your keeper.
How she wishes they happen.
But he might never know, when he never sees her crying to him, neither did he see her upsetting - All because she laughs most the time with him around.
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