允恩寶貝好❤️

16/10/2013

允恩宝贝出世了，

我第一个侄女，

第一次期待被叫阿姨。

其实也不是第一次，

我也算是哎呀阿姨，

是啊，还有三个小侄儿侄女，

最小的恩羽，很从聪明伶俐。

自家的侄女，也不会输人呢。

希望她会乖乖长大吧。

鼻子会挺，眼睛大大，樱桃小嘴。

和爸爸一样帅，和妈妈一样美丽。

会抽空看看你的。

好好长大噢给。

<3

作文一篇：假期发闷记

我很好，真的很好。
宅在家里的日子很写意，
不用烦恼着花这钱花那钱，
只管在家当少奶奶。

没有很烦，很平静。
只是钱包在机场弄丢了，
然后第一次上警局，
备了第一次案,
一星期假期里的两天，
都用来整理文件去了。

我的好妈妈，
也为我蓬松的假期加了点乐趣，
又带我上了美容院，
做着面膜，
享受着按摩，
是啊，也许女儿们真的是妈妈们的千金。

在家，甚少出门逛了，
朋友都不在呢，逛什么。
游车河吗，我驾照没带回来，
又是只能说，游什么。
爸爸妈妈就这样成了我的司机。

夜晚，我又莫名地纳闷了。
不懂头疼些什么，
伤风了好久，把鼻涕都清干净后，
才发现纸巾上的鼻涕都带着满满的血迹。
吓唬我了真是的，
不清没事，清一次看一次血，糟糕了真的。
妈妈说血管也许爆了，
朋友说我流鼻血了，
真的，我有一刻慌张了，后来淡定了，
是啊，我强的，没事。
医生也决定不看了，他们没很帅气。

没有了漂亮食物，
可有了一切美味家常，
媲美一切山珍海味，真的。

多几天，又是我得烦恼早午晚餐吃什么。
上哪儿吃，我要节俭吶。
我要决定减肥，我穷了。

:(

说话说出心底话

我喜欢他，可他不喜欢自己。
没法子，只能这样了。
或者，再想想办法呗。

看着陈智鹏，我没什么伤感，
也许有少许复杂心理，可感恩一切安好。

我这个弱者，咖啡喝不了，
现在连喝个鸡尾酒都差点让我狼狈不堪。
知道吗，一个人要醉的一刻真的很吓人。
那种没人在身边顾着的自己，
只能靠着那一份仅存的清醒砸着昏脑袋，
我那时惶恐着真的倒了会是怎么一回事。
原来醉酒真的有三分醒，
好好的自己突然间昏昏地，
听着的一切声音远远的，
那双脚突然有气无力地，
仅能靠着意志力在撑站着。
打了求救电话，终于在车里倒着昏睡了，
一直到了终点站，被人拍了醒了狼狈了，
赶紧下车，才惊觉有好多未接来电。
当时想着，我完蛋了，我闯祸了。
怎么，怎么会这样？
喝的就只是那不到半杯的鸡尾酒。
我真的怕了这些。

女生喝了酒，真的请乖乖让人送自己回家。
看看我，我丢脸了。

记得我喜欢的他，我们说了一个小时半的电话，
也无论如何谢谢他肯听了朋友电话后，
来看看我到底好不好，到家了没。
没目的的关心，那纯粹的关心，我依然觉得开心。
说着一切不可能的未来，我哧哧笑，傻笑了。

自己开始学会知足，
唯一的不知足，就是希望他会喜欢自己。

两个学期的课业，总算又有假期了。
快回家了，终于有人陪了。
还有侄女允恩宝贝就快出世了，
终于可以抱抱自己第一个侄女，
期待她牙牙学语时叫自己第一声的阿姨。

除了他也许真的不喜欢自己以外，
其实自己的世界真的很幸福美好。
至少有疼自己的爸爸，
让我疼自己地吃着所有爱吃的，对不对。

可听见家人看见自己的第一反应，
“啊齐，你真的明显圆了。”
＊心碎💔＊
我崩溃了，可没辙，我依然我行我素，
吃的开心，我依然觉得幸福，
至少不会伤感想太多。

话说虽如此

让我安静地过日子吧，拜托。

不想再在感情里狼狈了。

祈祷没事发生吧，就别发生吧。

别扰乱我的生活，

我辛辛苦苦、

真的好不容易把它稍微调好。

我不懂得如何拒绝，

所以只能静静地在应付着。

前任啊，你还好吗。

你好像很不开心呢。

我懂自己只是替代品，

一个可有可无的律齐，

可别也这样调戏着我，

我喜欢不上你，

更害怕自己就只顾享受突如其来的宠爱，

让自己越陷越深。

至少不会回头了，你不再是我期许厮守的了。

彼此也许还爱着，至少我没再想发展些什么。

彼此寂寞罢了。

向她摊牌说话吧，面对面真的比较说得清。

你缺的，正是那份信心。

加油噢给。

五颜六色和黑与白之间的灰色地带

在咖啡厅里带着享受着最爱的玛卡隆，

喝着茶，嗯，真的是很享受。

静静地躲在一角，看着世界在活动，

自己则吃着喝着读着书，

又想部落部落。

我喜爱颜色鲜艳养眼的食物，

看着它们我会吃得很开心，

也许这也是我发胖的原因吧，活该呢。

可就读着读着，

也不懂自己有否在想着某些事，

头疼了还不够狠，

心突然又抽痛着，

害怕并跳跃快速的心跳，

我觉得很不安。

不疼不行吗，我受不了了。

让我的日子安安宁宁地过吧，

我想平静地、让自己不再狼狈。

那小脑袋在想着什么担心着什么。

自己真的搞不懂。

只想开开心心尝遍所有玛卡隆，

我想学拉花，

想学制玛卡隆，

想学插花，

想要安稳的一辈子。

就这样，我想要幸福。

叹了很多气

看见彩盘，我开心了。

拿起画笔就在画纸上涂鸦，

玩弄着颜色，很是让人开心。

玩着玩着，彩得慢了下来了。

变成了，开始在涂鸦。

不知不觉，写了你的名字，

写了好多好多，到我也许累了，

不知不觉就又那样趴在桌上睡着了。

病了，那时买的食物逼着我吃，

吃了一个小时才啃完。

可又怎么样，不是你主动想关心的吧。

可我还是不知不觉很感动。

又病了，可你消失了。

一条慰问的短信我也看不见。

怎么了，开始时真的只是在泡妞吗。

别让我有多一个伤心的理由不能吗。

我怎么总是会喜欢一个不喜欢自己的这些男人。

气死我了。

憋死我了。

伤心了。

我喜欢你

吃了特强止痛药，

好了，就那么一点。

忽冷又忽然，是吧。

谁叫自己成天进出室内室外。

想要他关心，却这样被忽略。

【我喜欢你】的意思就是，

从现在起你已经具备了，

伤害我的能力。

准备着一份礼物，想送你。

圣诞节吧，也许。

祝自己快点病好吧，

我讨厌根本强壮的自己一直在发病。

A short one

How are things going? I feel exhausted each day. Getting more and more lazy to even move around, what I wish for is just sitting at a corner quietly, soundly. I'm real tired and worn out. Rest please, rest more. This is not the way you repay things. You love them, they might not love back, this is life.

Blabbing.

Hi, it's going to be 6 in the morning, and I did not wake up early for blogs, in fact I haven't even asleep. That hurts, really really hurts. I have no idea of how to adjust my body clock back to normal. It's like normal for me to keep not sleeping, though I did my very best to not rely on medicine, yet judging if it is really a right choice to not consume them.

I can feel the hardship am going thru. I liked him I noticed. I really do, I just couldn't stop thinking of him, imagining him, think of what I could have told him if we're like ftf now. Hmms, too bad that it always turn out to be awkwardness towards him. I swallowed everything I wanted once I see him, and that was really ridiculous where I feel scared of him. I do not know why am sorry.

I thought of snapchatting you a one second or two second image telling how I still feel towards you, be it you managed to finish the sentence or not. I even imagined myself couldn't take it and I confessed. It seems like am developing into a real rs-despo huh. My apology I did not want that too but it just happened.. :'(

Alright my mind is in a mess now. I shall stop.

语无伦次

观页人数达一万了，是吧是吧。

熬夜的一个晚上，顶顶吧。
想说今晚的作业将让我半死。
到底自己是法律系的，还是美术系的，
我傻傻分不清楚。

说考试吗，教授就是喜欢催稿子。
就只是一个海报，却誓必让我忙死方才甘心。

憋个半死不活的，
没空上来说话，连留言也少了。

是啊，自己尽量天天都在笑呢，
我不想忧郁再犯。

嗯，真的很好。
好的我语无伦次了。
想说，我开心看见你了。

一个多月没见到你了，
终于一个借口，你出来了，
可我们俩没说话。
怎么了，尴尬对吧，
也许你也没想和我说话。

我希望这样的关系能进步。
真的。

告诉了朋友关于你的一个秘密，
守不住了，我得说。
就只和她说。
因为我想不通为何不能说。

或许你甚至忘了那是什么秘密，
你却也许不懂它困扰我多久了。

对不起。

我辛苦了，
我真是有些累了。

这几个星期，
有多久没好好入睡了，
有多少次趴在电脑前面睡着了。

我不懂。

头疼说话

告诉我吧，

痛苦时，除了让自己开心，

能怎么结束？

头疼着疼着过日子，

到底怎么了。

吃了止痛药依然没效。

我何时开始了嗑药的习惯。

咳嗽药水，真的帮助到了睡眠，

可止痛药，没将头疼疗好。

真的不好玩。

我不想这样下去。

能怎么样。

庆幸着一些事，

看着前任男友，

终于看开了，

不嫉妒，不羡慕，

反之庆幸。

对男人的要求提高了吗？

我不懂。

我只知道我看见了一切他给她的，

我不稀罕，我不会想要。

不知足吗？也许吧我不再懂得。

可我笑了，

庆幸自己还能再找个想要的，

找个，真的棒的。

一点也不是在自我安慰，

真的只是因为我看见了平底鞋，

不想再碰这个恼人的高根鞋。

也许从前的我会因此知足，

可如今，谈不上知足，

只是自己差不多向前走了，

看见他人往后退，

我也没想拉一把的意思。

烦了又犯了

我是坏女孩，

噢不，算是个女人了吧。

可我幼稚的心理又来了，

因为我想吸水烟了。

我想看看自己能不能更快乐，

想看看这水烟能让我快乐吗。

辛苦啊，憋着那一大堆的心理压力。

是的，我在找借口想干这坏事。

我不想健健康康了又怎么样也不是一样没人疼没人心疼没人珍惜。

我要快乐，

我想再堕落，

日复一日的行程我已不想再遵守。

我想变得开放些、野些些。

因为那一个我喜欢的人忧郁了一个晚上，

看着无动于衷的他，

我好想靠近，我不敢。

只能待在这原地，

看着他越走越远。

也是姓陈的他，

也注定让我伤心是不是。

讨厌自己

无数日的吵杂声，
我那滔滔不绝的话，
笑个不停，我不停。
就算眼泪无缘无故会落下。

没想哭的意思，真的没有。
就真的是无缘无故的。

回到家，
总是就要叹个长气，
瘫坐在床上，
再站立起来，
照照镜子，
笑脸终于可以摘下了。

我想被疼被爱被宠。
被那一个我喜欢上了的他。

他却永远不会知道。

压抑多久了，
忍着不打扰多久了？
怎么就那么舍得我难过。

相信息他，往往打好了删掉，
就算厚着脸皮发出去了，往往后悔了。
回着回着，我真的巴个自己几巴掌，
犯贱干什么。

我干嘛永远都在自寻烦恼。

刚刚十八日

每一个月的十八日，

总让我郁闷不已，

害怕自己禁不住哭泣，

无缘无故的落泪，

就是那么的心烦意乱。

回想起整天的纳闷，

知道刚刚才想起原由，

原来刚刚十八日刚走呢。

也不懂自己在烦恼些什么，

没什么好不开心的了，

就，应该平静了。

吃吃饭，喝喝茶，逛逛街，

做个幻想中的单身女人该多好。

不为情所困，

勇敢的再喜欢上一个人，

好好的，就这样呆着。

挥霍换来开怀开心，值。

加油好不好，律齐。

多少天没来看看部落格，

因为我懂自己的那份心疼还在，

不知怎么会如此，可就是痛。

痛得我得一直在捶打。

放下了啊，我不会再想太多了。

可怎么回忆就是不肯放过我。

最近真的日子好好，

几乎天天都有朋友陪同吃晚饭，

要不自己也害怕自己难过，

而天天在宠爱着自己，

吃好吃饱吃得开开心心就好。

看见食物漂漂亮亮的我会很开心，

尝到食物美味可口的话我会很兴奋，

美食当前，我控制不了自己。

看看Instagram吧，我上载了好多美丽的食物。

看着看着，真的很开心。

以往的自己不是很碰甜食，

可现在的自己，没吃甜的不畅快。

真的就这样，长肉了。

失恋的女人迷恋甜食，

怪不得失恋女人都容易发胖。

一个人，

总是爱待在咖啡厅，

不停尝试各种蛋糕甜品，

再静静待在那角落的餐桌，

看着人群在发呆，

看着情侣在漫步撒娇着对方，

看着开心的人们在笑着高谈阔论，

看着美眉们一大班人开心地在逛着街，

就这样，静静地看着世界在活动。

我就这样静静地呆着，

观察着人情世故。

开始在享受生活了，

一个人，没什么不好，

吃着玛卡隆，没人和我争；

尝着新口味蛋糕，我能大口填进嘴里，不顾形象。

静静地在拍照着漂亮食物，没人会催我促我快点吃，

我能随心所欲地拍到开心为止，再送它们入肚。

我是挥霍，

我是在奢侈地生活着，

可这样，我少了好多心疼的夜晚，

我多了睡眠的时间。

倘若如此，这不算好吗？

我看见人，至少还能稍微上扬着嘴角，

而不是一副愁眉不展之相。

学着少说话，少谈心，

让身旁的人不再担心什么。

在家，不哭，

不想让家人心疼女儿怎么就整天为情所困。

我真的很好，

我只是想好好看着喜欢上的他。

噢不，我只是在暗恋。

无知就是快乐

倘若觉得文章不养眼，右上角有个红色打叉，请自便。
回想一下我说过什么吧，
没人稀罕，真的。

今夜的我有小开心、小纳闷。不吐不快。

一个主动的短信足够把我变成Happy Kid.
就不懂为何，
意想不到的一切，总是那么充满惊喜。
是我开始学会知足了吗？
不懂，但我希望自己是。
很欣慰，看见在进步的自己。

加油吧，律齐，要沉得住气。(:



鹏鹏鹏，有话想说，想对你说。
一直以来，其实都懂，我一直在偷窥你。
那是我逼迫自己放弃你的唯一途径。
我想说服自己，放下，放下，放下。
从当初翻阅你的近况时，
那无时无刻的泪崩，
那折磨人的无情心痛，
到慢慢地，麻了，都麻了，
这方法，真的管用。
听着悲伤情歌，心里那哀嚎，
在巴士里，回家的路上那场景，
我没能忘记。痛，真的会痛。

一失足成千古恨，再回头已是不可能。
只能这样来讥嘲无能的自己，谁叫我当初放弃了你。

虽然，用了好长好长的日子，
也不懂，这份执着还将持续到什么年头，
会历经多久才能完完全全不去在意，一丁点也不想再要。
有些人，也曾说过分手不是我的错。
有些人，曾也告诉过我你差点的背叛。
只是，我就这样比你快了一步，
就这样，真的就这样，我痛苦了这么久。
为什么能这样？答应过的事情都是屁话。
恨你，恨你当初百次告诉你我的牛脾气以后，
你还坚持，坚持得我最后还是心动了。
再问，如今你的答覆是“我怎么懂”。

开玩笑？那是很棒的恶作剧。

很想捅你个两三刀，彻彻底底让你还了那些债。
我的，在被你蒙骗的这一年来，还的够了。
怎么不告诉我，怎么让我堕落这么久？
到底懂不懂我经历过什么蠢事？
看着你快活，叫我怎么不捶心肝？？
因为你，就因为你，我毁了我这一个少女能有的梦！

每一次的责任，我都自己扛了。
你女朋友的白痴话她说了你信，没办法，去信吧。
懂我的人自然明白，
不懂的我也懒得解释。
别人的感情是越发越成熟，
可从你身上我看见了往下坡走的你。
不是专一的角度去衡量，拜托。

我只相信，我对人好，就是本分。
若人要欺我，我悉听尊便。
你都好意思这样说了，我怎么好意思不让你说下去。
至少连你妈在你听了不懂什么话删了我从你的朋友圈，
第一，第一，第一
第一时间来向我解释，安慰我，
叫我别在意，说只要她懂我不是就好。
有些话，真的不用多解释。

我没眼看。
在一起多久就多久吧，
这双鞋，至少我不想再穿了，
起水泡了，很疼。
不管多爱，至少现在看着你的生活照，
我从心底有一丝庆幸，
说也许这男孩真的不属于我。

爱，还是很爱。
也许痛苦麻痹了这些爱，
可知觉还是有的。
只是，痛过了以后，我想重新来过。
你不会再是我的选择，
就算有万分之一的也许说你会回来，
不，我决定不要了。
静静地曾经深爱过就好。

JOKER

To some fools out there,

I read your message, but could you please stop your childish act no matter how close we are or how are we a stranger for each other. It is never fun to try imposing someone to send me such joker text. SCREW YOU. Please grow up, if you're a BOY, yes please don't claim yourself a MAN outside. If you're a GIRL, yes please you're a childish one.

Sincerely,
ME.

It was just a text, but It is different.

Belloo.

Finally I had the courage to send you a text, out of boredom or whatever, I just did. It was a very simple and one word text "OOOIIII" and thank you for not disappointing me, where you actually replied me.. Hmms what should I say? I was exciting hoping that the conversation could last a little longer than I expected. I told you that I was real bored at home, and you were asking me why don't I watch drama, which was my favourite. Texts went on well when you actually suggested me to watch a Japan entertainment show which you are currently watching, however, too bad, conversation getting pointless and pointless and you.. MIA! (: Expected anyway. Haha!

You might not know how was I so well trained to hold my eagerness in texting you. I am way too afraid of being turned down. Surprisingly I made it to not text you for such long, to not bother your life with my bullshits, and everything that could trouble you. BUT sometimes, I would really just wish to know how are you doing, despite happy planting your bombs for the zombies, or whatever games you are into now. Affection is always to such an extent where I couldn't afford to miss any news about you. By monitoring your social network activities, listening to songs you played, or any other things related to you, I would excuse myself by telling you that I was really bored at home, I have got nothing to do, and that has hence became the reason why would I be such an epic stalker. 

I do feel lucky to still have blogs to utter things out. I have lost certain privacy over there in twitter, but thank God privacy still remains here in my blog. There was once I literally stressed out because I could not take it any further for things happened to myself and what school has stressed me out. I relied on desserts which kindly calmed me down a little, and those are what that has shaped me today. Round and cheeky and chubby, if you realised my instagram posts, that's how I describe myself these days. 

To be honest, the one who shouldn't be in my mind has slowly left and no more putting me in sorrows or dilemma. I do not know how that actually works, but it just do. Tell me about it. Sometimes I still do mind, sometimes I would still get upset because of this, or I would feel somehow afraid of the world still because of the very person. 

You're special, I can't tell how or why, but you simply are. 

Poopaye. 

Imma turning in naooo.

Imma exhausted alreadyy. 

出来吧，我在找你呢。

觉得自己还是喜欢你，

暗恋你吧也许，

因为我再也不能和你表明，

却只能静静地，

不打扰。

没回报的感情真的很折腾人，

让你惦记着，

却要你压抑着。

像是个孩子，

想要一颗气球。

想要释放自己，

想别委屈自己，

想独立起自己，

可女强人，我当得好勉强。

想想自己竟然能压抑着所有感觉不去找你，

想想自己克制自己的好有纪律，

想想自己究竟怎么办到的，

说真的，

不懂。

成为无拘无束的女子吗？

说什么享受生活吗？

那不是我想拥有的。

就只想要安定的生活，

别再漂浮不定，

别只要求轰轰烈烈，

我只是希望细水长流。

好好先生出来吧，

别躲了，

我找你呢。

女人的重量

有些女人，
越大越幼稚了。

有些女孩，
越小越爱扮大人。

有些女子，
越来越惹人厌了。

若不要世界变质，
能如何制止这些白痴事情，
一而再再而三地发生。

只求你的体重别再增加，
避免世界撑不起那重量。

迟早会把地球推向火星轨道，
也难怪姑娘会说火星语。

好发够了，
就滚回属于你的世界吧，
别丢人现眼了。


谢谢。

除了苦，就是涩。

再不翻新，我就会憋死得好不快活。
我说着这部落。

懂不懂，我想了好多好多。
在想，到底为什么那么多阻挠，
为何事事我想要的，都不会顺利，
除了我那发臭的牛脾气。

其实，我该怎么说？
就那么一个小小发现。

我的恋情，
总得被他他他四周的猪朋狗友四处阻挠，
就是，一段段不被友人们祝福的恋情。

其实没什么，只是有些在乎。

到底是怎么了。
想好好发展一段无忧的恋爱，
真的需要那么刁难我吗。

从原本的也许有机会，
到后来的也许再也没机会。

心真的会疼，懂不懂。

卸妆后再也出不了门。
除了那最后一次和你见面敞开所有时，
在我家楼下。

每当上个妆，至少得花上好多时间。
知道吗，化完后面对镜子里的自己，
倘若我不把自己搞笑，
我只有收拾烂摊子的份。

谁叫我的眼泪总不听使唤。

我还是喜欢，也许越来越喜欢，
就连自己快把自己糊涂疯了，
都还搞不出一个所以然。

会小难过，真的。

那糊涂，是我还超级想哭，
每当想起陈智鹏。

看见你，像是看见了他。

游戏王，
美女迷，
爱理不理款，
自我保护型，

还有好多我说不出的一大堆。

明明就能好好发展的，
因为一大堆傻傻的原由，
都石沉大海了。

都说了，
我一直在感情里迟钝的好厉害。

忍着忍着，
都能憋着不找你，
把你惹烦，怕自己受伤害。

也许大家都是寄居蟹。

邱律齐很害怕。
害怕自己看着别人抽着香烟，
那份，想试试的瘾接踵而来，
想当个坏女人，
至少人家会懂得抽烟的女人不会是好女人，
更让自己好好地死了心，
自动发觉，说人家不会喜欢这样一个坏女人。

幼稚，我懂。
自己和自己打了好久的架，
还在争着成为一代赢家。

我，可以怎么做。
只能让时间冲冲冲掉一切切，
至少忍着不找你们了，
至少我能忍着了，
至少这样，也许我能开怀一些。

真的不好受。

姓陈的两个三个人，
注定只是我生命里的过客，
绝无其他。

怎么办？他们都好欠扁。

想想想却只是想太多。

只能笑吱吱地告诉每一个这么问我的人，
“怎么不找一个？”
“找什么？眼光太好因此看上的都名草有主”。

不对吗？

不心疼，都是假的。

懂不懂，我其实有好多好多心愿。
却没一刻希望自己一个人完成。

吉他、
溜冰、
钓虾、
游泳、
烹饪，

这一些都是心里册超想学习的。
当然还有更多，
只不过特别想学的都摆到前面来了。

我想学会一切切，
想成为一个会很多的女人，

可自己更期望的是，
比自己强悍的男人，
能不厌其烦教导你。

想着一天真的都学会了，
怎么找个男朋友呢？
看着他什么都不会，自己该怎么想？

我怕自己会失望。

其实自己能硬下心肝把一切都报名，
可真的，我踏不出那一步。
心里想着的一切切，真的让我感觉好糟糕。

在学校，
一位异性友人和我聊了聊，
知道我一个人生活以后，
说我好坚强，
说女生如此才好，
说生活本该独立，

嗯，是。

可也感谢他，在自己有几晚饿肚子时，
约了朋友带我出去吃宵夜，
让我喝了鸡尾酒消消闷，
带我宵夜点心吃到饱饱的，
更不计老远地会有风度地，把我送回家。

有个男人，感情曾经失意过，
可也感谢他，让我懂得不是只有我难过。
他也辛苦过，对于一切切过去的不好回忆。
他也因此像个寄居蟹，更把自己游戏网名命名hermit。
谁能告诉我他心里到底受的伤害有多大？

从第一天认识他直到现在几乎零接触，
打从开始，
为了保护自己拼命想让人觉得这个男人是玩家，
接踵而来是不停关心你，不停搭讪你，不停误导你，
律齐其实都看得穿，只是你把壳套的那么实，
真的不会忍心去拆穿，反而尽量配合自己其实不喜欢的。

开始的好感，
怎么衍生到后来的少少喜欢，
再到现在你止步了我却依然想往前走。
你承认你也只有好感，
你承认你是企图搭讪。

这些男人，
不能说他们风流，
更别说他们搭讪，
因为他们有了女朋友，可还是会自爱。

至少和他们是友情里再也不可跨越的界限，
当然懂得自己不会想在人家的世界里插上一脚，
这些好好男人，
他们那些好好女朋友，
甚至任何一个女孩女子女人，
都比我更值得拥有。

我没要干什么，
也许只是想尝尝单身女性的乐趣，
所以不那么拒绝邀请了，
因为自己害怕寂寞了。


无论单身多自由，我总得需要人陪。

怎么，我的好好先生你在哪里？
不是自己想干着急，
可我真的好迷惘，
看不见未来会让我好没有安全感。

一个人的自己孤单久了，
基本的一些自己如何照顾自己，
如何做家务，
如何做饭菜，
如何晾衣服，
如何吃好的，
如何开心些，
其实都行了行了行了都会了。


律齐想好好过，
早熟也好，
恨嫁也罢，
我想定下来了，
我不想流浪了。

让我有个毕生的理由，来好好生活行不行？

Perhaps They are All about Affection, No More.

Bello.

How can a person ignore a person like a piece of cake? I know. When it comes to no love towards that person. Neither a little likes nor affection, and maybe that's the perfect answer for my question. How do you do. Gaming is fun? You're like bugging my mind and I could not get rid of it I do not know why. I never want that and shouldn't be wanting any love or relationship should I?

Unknowns are there when you do not know why would you miss him that much. It's bugging every piece of my mind. I felt the very torture when I thought of that past tense, and I do not know the reason why would you be coming into my mind every after thinking of my past. Sometimes I feel better, sometimes it becomes worse. It's just months since we knew each other, and it shouldn't be the way.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.
It's just an affection.

That is the only repetitive verse that I could use to mind fuck myself. I have nothing more that I could do. Knowing that I can't continue that strange feeling for I doubt you will have the similar feeling towards me, knowing that I must bear it not to find you and disturb your peaceful life for I will only cause chaos in your life, knowing that you deserve anyone better than me for am just a whore, knowing that I should just be alone because am rather confused for what I am now, EVERYTHING THAT'S BUGGING MY MIND never get me peace.

AIYA, I really do not know what I want. Why don't us give us just a try. AIYA IDK. :(

Poopaye.

Dear Diary.

My blogposts are always walls and walls of texts without images, so do this time round. 

Having not known of how many people gonna give a damn to what am I uttering over here, I simply don't care. Yes, just a couple weeks ago, I have realised a fact that I fell into this guy, although he can't be the perfect one for me, not even sure if he is the exact partner material that am looking for, but just, I think I like him quite a certain level. Starting when? Probably the first time of him ignoring my messages. He told me it wasn't with purpose as he was probably doing some other things that delayed the reply, but anyway, I don't wish to guess much about this.. As much as we basically don't contact each other anymore, as much as I could still be able to stuff myself with tonnes and tonnes of activities to resist not finding him or texting him first, I really wish to be able to let things off before I fell deeper into these potential bullshits, again. I do miss texting him and expecting his warm replies like we did, but at least, am better in controlling my very urge. Shall I credit these to what I have gone through that shaped myself today?

One can never guess how much he or she has changed into another person, or rather another personality or character, but simply, at least, I tend to control myself from getting hurt. Cuts and wounds and everything simply still lying on the skin surfaces, and as far as it concerns, scars are everywhere too. History is marked with no turning back, and me myself can only move on and keep moving on. No turning back no nothing.. I at times telling myself to be prepared for every bullshits that is going to happen on me, also the changes that is making us to have to adapt it well if not, yes imma die young. Real young. 

Being a spendthrift to cure the loneliness is never awesome when it comes to guiltiness towards parents who is funding your studies but not even feeding themselves with luxuries. They gave all they could to me and my sisters, and yes, I know where they come from, they love us unconditionally, wishing and hoping us to be one better mankind, but yeah, still thank them for understanding me and let me have my own pace to healing. My dear LipQi, I love your parents.

I have been trying hard to not think of this but when it comes to sleepless night, I can't hold being emotionally breakdown, and having hard time to fight against insomnia. I do have gastric problems at times but don't you think that things are rather ridiculous when even you have eaten, they still won't let you off. Seriously. From doing my best not to rely on medicine, until the time when I was forced to get some and spare inside my handbag, gastric is never a joke. I couldn't imagine if I would struggle on the street or passed inside my own room without anyone noticing it. Daddy has been telling me the extent gastric pain can go to. And hell ya since the day to Penang with lovely buddies and had awesome food like non stop, I started to not letting myself down with no food. It was rather a peaceful and lucky week for me actually, for different friends were there to accompany me for proper meals. GOOD FOOD I HAD, IF YOU BROWSED MY INSTAGRAM PICTURE THESE DAYS! From proper meals to hi tea and desserts, till the Friday night where we celebrated Lingirl's advanced birthday at the Garden Cake and Pastry, following night round for my one and only roommie Thoung's belated birthday, oh and not to forget my REAL REAL BELATED birthday celebration cum dinner at the Yoshiya by my lifetime bff. I was telling myself, IF these are the friends that would bring me through my diploma and degree, I wouldn't have to suffer so much and get my life diluted, yah right. 

The moment I touched down in this land again, I was telling myself, Yes yes yes you have to bear with the normal days again. I failed to. At that point of time I made up my mind, telling myself that do I really have to be that pathetic when it comes to living in this very country? However, I was lucky after grudges made, for a long lost friend came and talk to me asking me to borrow her my clutch, and yah we headed Ambush for great dinner since we have a lot to catch up. The next day just as I thought the same negatives again, that very cutie pie classmate had me taking dinner with her also shopping for shoes and sandals, that says I wasn't alone for the consecutively 2 days, and not to forget my receiving of MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER's postcard to me from the Osaka! You won't know how it drove me crying and tearing nonstop. Third day, yes Seow Hung texted me out of sudden, real out of sudden where she asked me out for dinner. I was really touched. Without hesitation I replied her YES I DO, and I therefore went to get my macarons hi tea after I got tired wandering around the Orchard area. We later on met up and gotten our dinner done at a Japanese restaurant serving awesome food, AND yet done, we as well had our desserts at the Ah Chew's! While today Thursday I attended an IP career talk, the cutie pie classmates and I went to the High Society for macarons. I was not really craving towards anything but I simply couldn't resist the pretty Isaphan. That was real nice and awesome. Desserts done? Yes then I got home and wash up, then met with Dan and Sean with that Cutie Pie for a drink at the Dempsey Hill. Dan got me a cocktail and it tasted kinda fine. Later on, yah supper time at the Geylang's Mongkok Dim Sum. Having friends who drive you out at night, even late night is always better to prevent yourself from feeling that much loneliness at home. Tomorrow? I have plans too! There's gonna be an unexpected guest from my homecountry who's gonna touch down here later at 11am. MONEH$$$ :(

 No more diary writing things like this, more to weekly basis diary perhaps? (:

Yes am ending here. I start to feel sleepy already. Good night world, good night Love.

我此刻又胡言乱语了，想你了。

能不能有那一个机会，
在以后的有一天，
告诉自己的孩子说，

“懂不懂，你爸当初是妈妈追的第一个男生，
成功呢，今天就有你了。”

白痴话，
是啊，
哪有人这么一个样的。

想幸福想疯了，
喜欢上一个不喜欢自己的人，
爱上一个不再爱自己的人，
想说这女人怎么了。

也许这是自己一生的循环，
不会有人这么来爱护自己，
自己其实也懂自己不值得。

恋爱其实真的很难。

能让自己别再坠了吗？
总得伤心难过失望。

够了。

总在想说自己真的那么不值得吗？

爱得怯步了，
敢爱不敢恨，
你算什么。

承受分手带来的后遗症吗？
对不起，负荷不了。

爱我，就来找我，
我寻觅得真的累了泪了。

别让我难过太久。

喜欢你，
可却告诉了我，
“噢不，我喜却不爱”，

可是否试想过，
是，她失去的是你，
你也许不在乎，
可一天若你发觉其实喜欢，
怎么了，
能怎么了？

再喜欢，
可曾伤痕累累的她，
再也鼓起不了那份坚持，
只能心疼地、无奈地，
告诉你说，
“噢对不起，
可爱你的勇气，
在那时已经弄丢了”。

一个女人不论多坠落，
不管曾经生活多放荡无束，
怎么花天酒地浓艳熏烟，
依然能找到一个依靠得了的？

我在想，
一个曾经不烟不酒的女孩，
怎么就一个机会也给不了。

我更是想，
一个想与你定下来的女人，
怎么就一个机会也给不了。

脑海里的两个男人，
你们想什么了？
我混淆了。

天蝎啊、
巨蟹啊，
就是誓用钳子努力夹，
也想把我钳死才甘心对不对？

告诉我，
除了认命，
我还能怎样？

怎样去改变这逞强的历史？

律齐，你终于活过了世界末日。

活过来了，真的。

很难熬，
真的好难熬。

辛苦了整天，
压抑了整天，
我胜利了。

加油，律齐加油。

谢谢今天配合我疯癫的每一个人，
谢谢你们没对我的疯癫反感，
谢谢理解原由的你们能够耐心让我白痴一整天。

时间我尽量不去看，
有什么活动尽量出席，
无话不说，叽叽喳喳，没完没了。

虽然说，那颗心会无缘无故隐隐作痛。

期许一个人的陪伴，
可那个人发现不了你的存在。

律齐也许长得太矮小了。
嗯，一定是这样。

头痛了整天，痛也被我忽略了整天，
没事吧？也是，什么痛没经历过。

昨晚睡得比任何一天还不安稳，
一个小时总得醒觉一次，什么道理？

醒了三次，我终于决定不睡了。

就这样子傻婆了整天。

无论如何，世界末日，律齐你还是挨过了。

有多少我爱你，最后成了对不起。

一切切，律齐都明白得很彻底。

他不爱了，可他也不会在把你望在眼角一眼；

他不会再回来，可他也不会再回头；

他恨你，可他不在乎了；

他不觉得你会怎么重要，可他也不会把你看得重；

他知道你辛苦，可他依旧不心疼；

他懂你悲伤，可那影响不了他；

他明白你的苦楚，可那对他来说已经太迟了；

他清楚你还好爱他，可他爱的只会是她；

他理解为何你还放不下，可他依然只会过自己开心的生活；

他也许晓得你当了他是唯一，可你不会是他的唯一；

他为你伤心过，可他不会再为你掉一滴泪；

他曾经付出，可他没理由会再为你舍弃任何东西；

他爱过，可你也懂你做了什么事，你奢望不了任何事；

他幸福了，可你永远寂寞了。

有多少我爱你，最后成了对不起。

对不起，我放不下过去；

对不起，我选择继续爱你；

对不起，我懂我不该再爱你；

对不起，我知道我曾伤害过你；

对不起，我懂我该静静接受惩罚；

对不起，我不该缅怀已变质了的你；

对不起，我应该远离甚至不该怀念你；

对不起，我不该回头而是应该大步迈前。

失恋没什么大不了。

只是偶尔会泪崩，

只是偶尔会纳闷，

只是偶尔会妒忌，

只是偶尔会孤独，

只是偶尔会忧郁，

只是偶尔会伤感，

只是偶尔会羡慕，

只是偶尔会自残，

只是偶尔会感叹，

只是偶尔会悲哀，

只是偶尔会崩溃，

只是偶尔会懦弱，

只是偶尔会疲惫。

伤口总会愈合，也许可能留下疤痕。

惩罚不该犯错的自己，对你也许是个交代。

承认了，我有上心的人，

可我也许不是他杯茶，没缘分？我不懂。

喜欢啊，可就算怎么承认怎么喜欢，

我也清楚明白自己再也很难跨出那一步，

跨出去，我害怕自己一天跌的更重。

懂得他过往辛苦的经历，我也舍不得打搅他的生活。

静静地祝福他吧也许，他值得更好的女孩。

自己不配任何好男人，律齐真的懂。

一个人还不是也撑了那么久了，没什么难得倒你了吧？

平民女子，究竟何时你才能当上单身女王？

不懂不懂，真的，我不懂。

没办法将勇气都豁出去，来迎接新的人生。

我想好好爱，我好想好想，

可真的对着你对着他对着自己没半点法子。

也对，真的对，你怎么配爱上好男人？

哪有人会爱上这样狼狈一个你？

课业进轨道了，稳稳上路了，

可感情世界里的一片狼藉，我无从下手。

我害怕一个人，

我不想一个人，

我想好好爱一个人，

我想守着那一个人。

可我看不见未来，

我真的好胆怯，

我何尝不彷徨，

我如何不失措？

我喜欢上的男孩，对不起，

我能答应的，是不打搅你的生活。

我爱过的男孩，对不起，

我能答应的，是不打搅你的生活。

一个人，也许也可以好好过上一辈子，

用回忆支撑，用美好延续。

心若倦了

那日子看似近了，
整个憔悴的自己也日愈明显了。

心脏总是无缘无故地逃跳半拍。

我不懂自己在害怕什么，
恐惧什么，
担心什么。

放不下吗？都那么久了。

怎么大便总是发生在自己身上。
怎么自己就是无法好好爱着。

活该自己犯贱后的狼狈，
就真的，很活该。

压抑压抑想哭想嚎啕，
可是不可以。

哭的日子够长了，该哭够了。

站起来好吗？

对不起，我可恨了

也许 害怕了爱情，
还有 一切的可能。

恋爱不再是轻而易举的事情。

市场价值？
有啊，可看得上眼的也许觉得我不配。
看不上的，只能让自己觉得，
嗯，还有人喜欢你。

像是个缺爱的姑娘，
相似个惧怕爱情的小姐，

爱的，怎么永远就那么忐忐忑忑。

一个人生活没什么大不了，
只是偶尔寂寞，
也许偶尔忧郁，
可能偶尔伤感，
或许偶尔纳闷，
抑或偶尔苦涩。

一个人生活，
真的没什么大不了。

第一次，
不再开始觉得一个人可恨了再日久生情。

第一次，
不再像当初的每一场恋爱，
第一眼觉得时，都不屑再看上几眼。

第一次，
不会因为对方的苦追求，才来看见对方。

第一次，
不会让一个人苦追几个月直至一年，
才有心动的感觉。

第一次，
就第一次，
那么不可思议的，
也许喜欢上一个人了。

彼此都是受伤的人，
彼此在过往爱情都受过伤害，

可这两个人，也许就是没缘没份。

或许应该习惯一个人生活，
或许应该清醒爱情不属于自己。

爱了又怎样，
爱上一个六七年又怎样，
该分手的，总会分手，
不管分离有过多少千万次。

不该再爱，
不能喜欢，
他属于更好的人。

想对那一个人说，
对不起，
不是想特地喜欢上你，

可如今，我答应自己答应你，
不会再喜欢你，
我会，自己重回该呆着的地方，
惩罚自己那失败的爱情。

不懂你会不会在这里烙个脚印，
也许看了也不觉得什么，
也许只有满肚子的不屑，
也许这一切不是些什么，
可我真的喜欢上了，
可我也不会再喜欢。

那是我给你给自己的交代，
仅此。

安全考古地带

自打嘴巴的自己。

脸丢得没得丢了，

高兴了？

谁说好感等于喜欢，

怎么就那么古板。

好感不等同喜欢，

更不是代表说一定会发展。

是我说的。

烂部落，

我错过了计算表第八千一百一十八，

倒成了第八千二百一十八，

说我该怎么办？

也许真的没缘分吧，

或许真的注定了吧，

不论是哪一个际遇，

独自一人的世界总是不会被伤害。

自愈，

是可行的，

只要不奢望、不期望，

就不会糊里糊涂这样受到任何伤害，

不痛不痒的安全考古地带，

也许真的是自己的归宿。

热脸贴够了人家的冷屁股，

不够羞耻吗，

耻辱不够吗。

也许真的该讨厌，

当初谁都不该认识谁，

彼此活在自己的温室里，

小花小草本该被保护。

累了，

被玩弄的感觉，有了。

不好玩，

我只是要找朋友玩，

朋友误会了，

哎，就别误会了，

我们不会在一起。

谁都懂，彼此不会是谁的谁。

就继续原地踏步，直到把草夷为平地。

也许真的是我想太多。

真的，
也许我还不适合，
不适合忘那未来跨出那一步。

还未能接受自己的依然如故，
终不能抵挡寂寞的自己，
到底适合跨出去吗？

想，可不应该。

还未成长，
长成那一个，
能接受对方、
包容对方缺点、
融入他生活，

这样的一个我，
我还找不到。

还是会在意，
疑心病终究离不开自己，
妒忌羡慕样样缺点，
依然伴随左右。

对，我不应该跨出去。

喜欢了又怎样，

还是没资格爱上别人。


鹏，你还好吗？

Stepping out to welcome the future.

I didn't know that I could still have a person who I can utter my feelings out to, never even wonder if it was right to just tell my things out to a person who I knew just for few days, or rather met up just for once or twice. I am a kind who trust my own instinct and when I find it right to tell, I do not mind sharing, as long as the person is willing to be my reading eyes. I could not be independent when it comes to feeling the very loneliness and sorrows, I always wish having listening ears.

Perhaps things has gone too smoothly or rather way calm and steady, to the extent that I am worried for nothing. Life is being too peaceful recently, living in own world listening to musics, mingling around with new circle of friends and behaving shy, repeating and answering questions regarding the daily three meals, reading up cases for the exam next years, reminiscing stuffs happened and injecting myself with positive thinkings etc. How should I classify my current state of life?

Falling out of love, and I at times wonder about my future, based on my very creative imagination to project my very Mr. Right. Having the physical advantage of Sunny Wang, economy stability where I can spend all I want, being a tai tai in my comfy home, loving me wholeheartedly despite his good looking where he could attract bees from the outside world, never fail to the givings of care and concern and will never leave me despite my health conditions. It is alright because I know the fact that I will never get who I want, neither do I really expecting a perfect man in my future life, they are mere imaginations to calm my soul. As long as the feeling is right, as long as you are matured enough to catch my attention, nothing else matters. (:

I need a life partner, no more a boyfriend.

Talking about my next relationships, I admit I am still not prepared to step out any, regardless if I have my eye candy, if I already have a person in my mind, but I am hell afraid that every of the sudden heart attack would drag me down to the hell like previously did. I dare not. I hope, but I dare not. Deeply in myself, I am afraid of hurting others when I am always lagging in my relationships, as well afraid of hurting myself. I do not know how many more heartbreaks could I afford if the new relationship still turns out to be a fail one. Please, don't.

Understand my temper and come to me only when you're ready. Once you have stepped in, please do not leave. By you stepping inside, I will do my very best to ensure that this is entirely another new world, neither a space nor a room. When I am ready to, please walk my life with me. Prove to the world with me, that despite the very tormenting moments we have had with our past, they are all over, and we are going to live better than any of them.

Alright, my mere thoughts.

#justsaying

好久不见

遇见了一个人，

打了个招呼，

说了声嗨。

原本一味认为，

自己会恨死那一个人，

恨他的一切，

憎他带给自己的一切。

放下？

一辈子都甭想。

说话的语气始终逃不过讽刺，

始终，那不是自己想要的。

曾经也为了这一个人，

放弃了一切原本的美好，

不然自己也无需搞到现在一样狼藉。

说没爱吗？

都很爱。

想想自己为你放弃的，

那人生，

那责备，

因为你，岂不是也熬下来了。

当初怎么就不给我个时间调节自己，

到了，我自然会依偎在侧。

一切结果也演变成不愉快，

彼此喘不过气，

逐渐结成的怨气，

演变成今日对这人的怨恨。

说什么也于事无补，

就想解释自己，

就算自己多不相信。

讨厌你，

恨你，

那会是理所当然。

爱过，这无需质疑。

说着话，

强忍了泪水，

释怀一些，

说看看你死了没，

结果你当然还好好的。

当然不能死，我还想恨你一辈子。

请好好照顾自己。

踏出门口，

显然自己也泪崩了，

爱哭鬼还是哭了。

怎么世界上，好好爱我的男人就没了吗？

女孩，糖果，巧克力。

看了人生中的两场爱情剧，
扮演了自己人生的主角，
演示着两个人的过客，
成为那个他人生中的忠实粉丝。

曾经有那一个本应是路人的过客，
让你成了黑天鹅般从高高舞台坠下，
也许那故事情节足以把这主角推向高峰，
殊不知，她跌得好重，那一生创伤换来的人生经历。

跌的不知所措，跌个，
足以让人生中的也许璀璨，演变成了污点。

伴随一生的污点，
那永远无法洗净的污点。

那爱情剧里，
遇到了一个糖果男孩，一个巧克力男孩。

第一个，
让你饱满蜜糖糖果般滋润着你的回忆。

结果，糖吃着吃着吃完了，
糖果男孩，
离开了。

喜爱甜蜜的女孩，
顿时像是失去了生命灵粮般，
不知所错。

思念糖果的味道，
却无从找寻那糖果。

失魂落魄了，对不对。
终究是女孩，爱吃甜的没有错。

她思念糖果，
更不明白糖果男孩，去哪里了。
就这样消失了。

怎么不崩溃。

泪崩第一次，是女孩十七岁那年，
哭啼着七个月，足足七个月。

在家里坚强，不能哭泣，
妈妈不喜欢女孩总爱啃着糖果。

终于七个月后的某一天，
女孩再次看见糖果男孩了。

糖果男孩，心疼着思念自己七个月的女孩，
结果找着糖果，回来了。
女孩开心地，再次啃着爱吃的糖果。

吃的太快太狼狈，
糖果这次真的没了。
糖果男孩不安地，离开了。
就算多爱着，
糖果不能多吃，
为了她好，他终于离开了。

女孩哭啼着，哀求着，
回到了泪崩的日子里，
怕了糖果，却及其思念糖果，
尤其，带会她认识糖果的糖果男孩。

十八岁的女孩，
离乡背井地深造去了。
带着思念，离开了那伤心地，
直达一个，也许作梦也思索不到，
那一个地方，一个即将把她拉入人生谷底的一个地方。

人生舞台里的也许高峰，
却也同时将她拉入十八层地狱的世界。

她从来没想过这一切会发生，
更预测不了原本想重新开始的自己，
即将有场血腥战在候着她。

人生新页，女孩遇到了一个巧克力男孩。
原本怕了历史重演，不敢往前走的自己，
看见巧克力男孩，世界慢慢改变了。

巧克力男孩说，
“能不能给巧克力一个机会，
让你忘怀糖果的苦楚，
让你爱上巧克力？”

女孩感动了。

也许嘴馋，也许。

吃着巧克力，
有好多好多种类，
巧克力有苦的甜的，
她都试了。

苦得就算泪飚，
开心的基因会激发起笑颜，
甜的巧克力，
吃着吃着，偶尔思念糖果，
却懂得巧克力也许健康得多。
就是偶尔思念糖果而已

她嘴馋。

吃着巧克力的某一天，
女孩看见类似糖果男孩的另一个男孩。

他只是狼。
披着羊皮的狼。

她嘴馋，
看见久违的糖果，
她想试试，
告诉自己，一颗就好。

思念已久的糖果，
怎么会不心动，
结果一冲动，
选择了糖果，
放弃了能让开心因素激起的巧克力。

就只为了久违的相似感动。

巧克力男孩离开了。
他伤心了，
吃了巧克力，他振作了，
告诉自己，那女孩，他该放弃了。

他拎着巧克力，
把那喜乐，带给了另一个女孩。

嘴馋饱终得尝苦果。
狼，那该死的狼，
用尽一生想诅咒死的狼，
女孩因为某些事，
领悟了，可太迟了。

不能离开那匹狼，
可不行，自己不想死于爪下。

终究离开了。

女孩不吃了，
巧克力不吃了，
糖果更不敢碰了。

巧克力男孩给的爱其实刚刚好，
可不争气的自己，
能怪谁。

除了惩罚自己，
女孩期盼一个永恒的爱。

期许那爱来了别再离开，女孩承受不起。
她愿意成为美人鱼，永不劈腿；
期望也许来临的爱成为一列火车，永不出轨。

加油，彼此加油。

糖果、巧克力，
他们只是豆芽梦，

一个不成熟的梦，
一个总会消失的梦。

泪崩的自己敌不过纪念日的催促。

她爱，她依然爱。

只是她也许懂得，自己不值得爱。

走走停停看看听听

一个人走了很远，
独自停了相当久，
看见好多好多事，
听到新闻趣事多。

我只能说，爱情里的我是个败者。

爱的人，我抓不实；
想爱的人，我不敢向前走。

缘分也许常常擦肩而过，
只因为那该死的承诺。

看见也许能托付的，
不敢爱就是不敢爱。

拼死命的找寻借口、
要死要活地放话提高要求，
搏死命地死不承认也许就有那么一点喜欢上了。

我不会有人爱有人疼有人喜欢，
当然，
我哪敢再爱再喜欢，累了人害死了自己。

再这样下去，
那猫的九条命也会让我吃不消，
死的特快的说。

缺爱的说，也许吧。
一个人的日子特难熬，
想要一个照顾自己一辈子的，
到底难不难。

学业底子慢慢打强了，
爱情却依然一败涂地。

想做个女强人，
就算性格多倔强，
也只想是个小女人。

想挣脱那堕落的自己，
能不能，就别再逞强。

病了，竟想不靠药物痊愈，
可打从心底就想着，就着样病死行不行？

真的开心不起来，
无论自己怎么一直弯弧着笑眼，
不管自己怎么一直上扬着嘴角，
让我疼让我痛的，
依然历历在目，
依然是个恐惧。

笑到最后仅有的坚强原来也不过如此

被惹哭了吗？
是啊我又无缘无故湿了泪框。

憧憬着的浪漫伴随着结束离开了，
冒险家的心路历程也伴随着结束归家了。

一切打回了原形。

听着曾经让自己好不容易坚强起来的歌曲，
一直拼命的灌打麻醉剂，
就这样听着听着，睡着了。

恐惧着自己会再次承受当初的痛苦，
就算对有让我心动的他，我止步，
没胆争取，没敢爱上。

一个人不会害人。

女人，你有什么理由不坚强，你是流血一周都不会死的动物。

能不坚强吗？

都事过境迁了，都于事无补了。

曾经的那段刻骨铭心，

除了收藏，我别无选择。

自身的坏脾气不知气走了多少人，

可却留下了最真的人们。

坚强也许伤感、

抑或者让人吃不消，

殊不知多少次的强忍泪水让嘴角上扬。

有些事情你想忘记，

到最后方才发现根本无法忘怀，

反之一切更加清晰于眼帘了。

想起某些过往会不禁地笑，

想起有些片段依然隐隐作痛。

也许如今的幸福就是如此，

那么地痛并快乐着。

也许自私的自己想看见身边的人因自己开心，

妥协了，不泪崩了，凡事以另一个心态看待。

一些也许能让你暴跳如雷的事，

经过分析，换取心态地看待以后，

再也找不到理由继续生气或不愉快，

反之，我会嘲其无知不智之举。

说，女子啊，怎么就那么无知？

我一笑置之。

那男人，我还爱，可我不要了。

“这样的男人，让他去吧”，我是这样告诉自己的。

与其付出了所有却还让他这样待你，

倒不如自己潇洒一点让他人穿上你的二手鞋。

或许他没错，因为他根本不懂分手后你的一切遭遇，

他不了解不明白不清楚不懂得你一切切因他而受的创伤。

爱情也许是这样，付出以后奢望不了回报。

他很傻很迟钝很不敏感，他一味认为自己懂得好多，

可是怎么啦，他不懂的更多。

我不是没人要，更不是没人爱，

自己的市场价值难道真的不懂得吗？

单身的原因，除了你，更是你，

都不要了可承诺一言既出驷马难追，

那最后的承诺我想办到。

我不想像你一样食言当饭吃。

继续你那无厘头且轰轰烈烈的爱情吧，

我没意见，有什么也好，

我只会当着那是饭后娱乐八卦，听了就算。

除了好笑，我还是在笑，

因为我本来都好喜欢笑，

只是认识你了以后，那笑颜变成了泪海。

尝试看看这故事一则：

从前有个君王，

他两个宝贝女儿的眼泪都会变成钻石。

不久以后两个宝贝都嫁人了，

大女儿嫁给了一个用她眼泪造了一座座承包的王子；

小女儿却嫁给了一个牧羊人。

君王驾崩前见到他们的时候，

大女儿满身金银珠宝，

小女儿与牡羊人却依然贫困。

君王惊讶且不明地问说：“明明她那一滴泪就能让你们过上好生活了呀！”

牡羊人却答道，“可我舍不得让她流下一滴泪！”

说毕，律齐想问的是，

有没有那一个人，

能陪伴我共同进退，

不舍得让我生气让我哭泣，

像我以他为信仰般崇拜他般地如此相信我，

让我找不到任何理由继续为那左佛耳的阿东，

来歇斯底里，来继续捍卫着那伤感的爱情史？

那一罗罗砸脑袋的疑问句又淹到了危险水平。

相信爱情与否？

我半信半疑，虽然憧憬。

那能是一帆风顺，更能是条坎坷路。

也许能说爱情是甜蜜，可更是残忍。

爱情与伤害是并肩存在的，

甜头尝尽，苦头莅临，

能怎样？告诉我能怎样？

最终的结局总是叫人难堪，伤害的往往总是自己，

再也没有那一个，愿意和你同甘共苦的人。

届时，只能观望自己如何堕落。

曾经无条件付出的，换来的是对别的女人贴心的呵护，

总是忘了，曾经的管辖逼迫，

也许只是一个不较懂爱情的我的不智之举，

可男人怎么就不想想，出发点是什么。

我能爱得无条件付出，

可若换来的是不谅解、争吵、

说什么其实也于事无补。

与其想想不愉快，怎么不尝试想想曾经这女人付出过的。

难道你说，她的出轨是她个人的错？

无可否认是自己犯的贱，可怎么了？

你全心全义爱我了吗？疼我了吗？

觉得我不疼你，觉得我想离开时没挣扎过吗？

真的是这样吗？

加油好不好，别成为善忘的人类，

说话别那么难听，

别说得那过去就是那么错，

我何尝不也牺牲了数年的时光，

来爱着你。

恐惧带来的伤害一丁点也不小

懂不懂，就有那一件告不得人的心事，

就那样搁在心底好久好久，

说出来以后，知道自己将贬值得好厉害好厉害，

可同时也想说，没关系，我已经改变不了什么了。

玩心重了，虽说自己依然向往细水长流的刻骨爱情，

可事实接事实告诉我，算了吧。

看着让人恐惧的新世纪带来的残酷，接受吧。

单纯的生活，再也沾不了边，

你抑或挣扎，抑或放弃。

说起那不快的回忆，我想说，

我害怕，我恐惧，

想告诉心爱的那男人可我不能说。

藏着藏着、装着装着，

终于告诉了一个相信的人，

不知道那决定是否正确，

可不说都说了，能怎样。

像是终将恐惧说了出来有人将从此与你保守秘密，

可那一幕幕的情景历历在目，

你害怕、你嚎啕，

可一切切只能在心底，就在心底，

你只能静静地歇斯底里。

为了想保护的人，什么事什么尊严都在所不惜了，

想他回来，不可以、不能，更是不可能。

我没资格这么做。

错综复杂的同时我更觉杂乱无紊

杂乱的思绪伴随着难抉择的未来路，
说，那是崭新的人生新页？
抑或是踏上回归堕落的旧坎坷路？
这一切错综复杂无从解释，
就是那么的无法启齿阐明。

快乐无所不在，可内心的喜悦总是和自己捉迷藏，
越是找寻，它就越是躲藏，
感受久别的平静某些时候里就是如斯艰难。

眷恋的是回忆，无非是遥不可及的过去；
思念的是那人，无疑是多久以后都无法实现的梦想。

期望纯属奢望。

期许别再披着羊皮成为一匹狼，
死缠烂打逼迫直到仅存的一线新鲜氧气也计谋剥夺，
一步步逼近墙角、甚至那反角色的重型伤害，
终究也同时把猫哭老鼠的真假渐渐露现在最表层，
怜悯不智之举的同时更想忠告说明那是无知。

无知也许是快乐的根源，
可装作无知其实属于压抑性地憋在心底。

语无伦次的同时，祈祷还能有看明了的知音。

累了不说了。

Throwback Getaway 3D2N Trip to the Langkawi Island.

 YOLO 

for you only live once,

appreciate lives,

be happy,

and no worries.

Trip Date : 

06.06.2013-08.06.2013 (Thursday-Saturday)

I told myself so, when I got to this very Island. Not so adorable, yet it is filled with perfect memories with lovely friends of mine. Upon request and since there is a lot asking about the details of this trip, I would like to instead upload the trip details over here, of course, hopefully it helps. 

Planning is the essentials. That's the crucial part, if not, you gonna feel so rushed, and later part, you are not going to enjoy the trip. First and foremost, decide the numbers joining the trip, so that you are able to decide on the room size you gonna stay. 3 was our number, so hell yea, a queen-sized bed fits us perfectly! 

1. ACCOMMODATION

Booking.com serves as the room booking site for us, for you do not need to pay anything until you are checking in the room. However, before deciding on your room, it's advisable to glance thru the Trip Advisor page for the rankings, the reviews, and the ratings of the hotels and resorts. Mind me say, for this Langkawi trip, we chose it right to stay at the place other than the town area, because most of the nightlife are at the tourist attraction places, where you see those most visited restaurants, bars, pub and so on. We chose to stay Chenang area after researching places and places. 

We researched about Top 10 Nightlife in Langkawi, and later on the research on the Top 10 Restaurant, and you would realised most of the visited places are at the Pantai Chenang and Pantai Tengah areas. We did not regret choosing the SUNSET BEACH RESORT of the Sun Group as the rate is quite attracting and within budget, for us getting the Sunset II suits at only rm250/- per night. There is other room other than the suit mentioned, where Sunset I is slightly smaller, while Sunset III fits perfectly well for 3-9 person. Of course, the price is gonna be higher depending on the suits!

We called the reception to tell them our roughly checking-in time, in order to get them a heads up that you are reaching soon, and they could do the preparation accordingly. 

Yay, so into nature right. HAHA! Nice place, like thumbs up for million times! ❤

These are some photos of the room we stayed for the 2 nights in Langkawi Island, which look good both in the picture and in real life. 

Room number 68! ❤

Perfect key chain, with the room number on. ❤

The Queen-sized bed with the perfect lighting. ❤

From the bed, you have these, and even shoe rack! I would say, nice deco! ❤ 

The water boiler jug is clean and new, unlike some others you saw or you have seen? They prepared you lots of coffee powders and even tea bags! ❤

They don't have closed cupboard, but they have this instead. I think this design suits it well, because 'who would want to hang their wet clothing inside cupboard and create smells?' Well, you see the chair the mirror, I do my makeover there! ❤

This is what you gonna see. Big-enough bathroom. How to not love it, when the bathroom, the toilet is totally odourless. There's heater, of course. ❤

When you need to pee or poop, here's the place. Clean and simple. Nice one isn't it. ❤

You have buffet breakfast for both days! ❤ 

You are able to choose whether you want half boiled, omelette, scrambled, fried, or even boiled egg.  ❤

How to not love atmosphere like this? Look out the window and you shall see the beautiful sea view. ❤

The perfect buffet breakfast for Day 2. I had koko-crunch + cornflakes with milk! And my scrambled egg!  ❤

Alright, not tempted enough to get into this place? There's a beach where you can swim alright! Look!

WE ❤ LANGKAWI! 

Most importantly, I guess every of us would love the staffs to be friendly, right, therefore, I would like to say that ALL the workers no matter receptionists, cleaners, chefs, waiters, they are ALL really friendly. Thus, it guaranteed you a pleasant stay. 

One of the on-duty staff. Look, flowers leh! HEHEHE:D ❤

2. TRANSPORTS

If you have gotten your lovely license, yes, consider car rental? There are websites where you are able to google them out, but it's higher risk for me, because you would suffer if it is not so trusted sites? And, the price is gonna be higher. 

Get to me, if any of you need to rent any car, for I have the contact number of the person who rented the car for me. Mind me say, the car they provided for us is awesome, plus the pricing? Ohmytian, that absolutely fits your budget well. 

You may hunt for car via Langkawi-Online, I guess you may refer the pricing here? But the pricing is just for reference only. It varies the person whom you rent your car from.

What you can see from the above, there's peak and non-peak season. Local cars are definitely cheaper than those imported cars. For me, if there's more than 2 qualified drivers in the group, you may choose to get 2 cars, or get a seven seater car instead.  Btw, the pricing is a per day count. ❤

Toyota Corolla is what we got for ourselves. Not too new, but it's quite a good car. We were charged a rm60/day only it's so cheap right, compared to the listing shown above. Yes, so please get to me if you were to get good car. Btw, I AM NOT A P-PLATE DRIVER. Idk why they got the P sticker there, but yea, am a qualified driver okay.  ❤

As you gonna spend your days and nights with the car, it is a hell-ya-yes you would need to check your car before you even agree to get the car. Some important checks:- 

√  Car horn (whether it is working);

√  Air-conditioner (whether it is cold enough);

√  Car brakes (make sure you check this or else.. uhm take good care?)  

Most of them won't provide you with tanked petrol, therefore you would need to top up the petrol on your own. Get to the nearest petrol station, and REMEMBER not to straight top up a full tank. You gonna regret it. We topped rm20 and it was a bar full from the empty tank. Anyway, rm20 was not sufficient to survive the three days. We spent a total rm28 for our 3D2N trip in the Island. Not too bad, huh? 

Not to worry because if you can't drive, or you feel lazy to drive, or you think you are rich enough to call a cab, get it! Save troubles, oh the only trouble is to call/get the cab. It's real time consuming for me. 

Here are some of the details from Langkawi-Online, where you can roughly see the cab fees from the airport as well from the Kuah Jetty.

3. GETTING THERE

There's a lot of way to get to this Langkawi Island, either by flight, or by ferry. You can't drive your car there can you? Yes, you may check out the Berjaya Airline if you were to get here from any region other than the North's of Malaysia. Time is less consuming I guess? Anyway, there is the other place where you can access to Langkawi Island from, which is the Kuala Kedah or the Kuala Perlis. 

I got to the Kuala Kedah as I stay nearer to it. You may get to the Alor Setar bus station if you are going to get there by public transport. It takes about 15-20 minutes from the Alor Setar to the Kuala Kedah Jetty. 

From what you can see, it takes about 1 hr 45 minutes to reach the Kuah Jetty in Langkawi from Kuala Kedah Jetty. They have their time ranging as well, therefore, plan before hand! ❤

Now, from the Sungai Petani where I stayed, it takes roughly 1hr and 10mins from the Sungai Petani Tol to reach the Kuala Kedah Jetty. We departed by my daddy's car at 0900 and we made it for the 1030 ferry. Depart from house earlier, if you wish to get public transport, 1030 ferry is gonna be said the perfect one for us. Please be reminded not to buy the return ticket. It is better to get the one way ticket, first it is of the same price; second what if you bought and your schedule delayed? 

OH YA, REMEMBER TO GET YOURSELF MAP OF LANGKAWI UPON ARRIVALS. YOU WILL NEED IT, WON'T YOU? You don't need to print from internet before departing either. The map you holding is not going to be clear enough.

4. THE MUST-GOs

EAGLE FEEDING + ISLAND HOPPING

If you wish to, you can always immerse the days at the beach ONLY, but it's not gonna worth your visit. We bought a package with the Superstar Boating Sea Cruise at the Kuala Kedah Jetty at rm35, which is rm10 more expensive compared to others. Normal pricing is about rm25 per pax, but... yea you can still choose it, not to say it was bad because we never tried that, but merely experience shared.

Each of us gonna get a sticker upon departure. Stick it on your shirt alright! Most of the agencies I saw was with orange sticker, but get this! it's lesser passenger in a boat, and the captain can recognise you easier! ❤

However, you can still form a group of maximum 8/9 and get the whole boat up. They are having their group packages as well, so you are welcome to check this out with them. Since that was just a 3-ladies' trip, we got non the group packages, NOT WORTH IT. 

Coming back to the picture, where does this package bring us to? 

It leads us to the Eagle Feeding + Island Hopping. You do not need to drive to the departure place, for there's gonna be people from the agency to drive you there from your hotels or resorts. Good service *thumbs up*. For this package, they fetched us with quite a brand new van, the air-conditioner worked well, and we had a pleasant journey. 

The place where we departed. ❤

Here you see, boats and boats, passengers and passengers. ❤

We were not good example. Please get your hair tied up if you have long hair? The sea-wind gonna blow your hair till you regret! Me regretted. ❤

The duration took about 4 hours. There is total 2 slots for each day, 0900 and 1430 respectively. I recommend the 0900 as the sun was still warm and the UV not gonna be that hurtful, plus you can get back to the hotels and bath before you head to the other places! 

Our boat, our boat captain who drives well! ❤

It's good because they provide you with life jackets. And most importantly there's shades.  ❤

We got the front row! ❤

Nice breeze teheheee:D Watch out your stuffs hoh, once the wind blew it off, no one could save you. HAHAHA. ❤

First destination, the Lake of the Pregnant Maiden. There's staircase where you need to climb up, and TYVM me who do not sport, knows how suffering it gonna be just after climbing a few steps up. Muscle pain uh! "(

There you see,  the view from far before reaching the very destination. Can you see a woman lying with her pregnant stomach? ❤

These are sea water, but this is a lake. I do not know how it forms, so read up the history when you are there alright! Plus, there's place for u to swim and have your varies activities, if you wish to, they gonna let you stay one hour over here. Have fun! However, beware of monkeys. They grab food. Warm advise: Do make sure no food is in your hand! ❤

Image not so clear, but you can see the pregnant maiden from here too. She's just behind us. ❤

So the next destination would be the eagle feeding. Am not sure if they are of wild eagles species or what, but you are gonna feel excited to see eagles above you, and if you're lucky enough, they gonna hunt and you shall see them close enough. Of course, we were not the lucky ones. 

What do I see? I saw poker dots in the air. ❤

Okay next. THE MOST EXCITED ONE. Tell you what? Wear some proper attire where you can go into the water. You won't be able to resist the beach I tell you. Next station: I don't know what beach people used to call that as, but just, BEACH PLEASE!

First thing that caught my attention was this colourful boat that match the beach. ❤

Me likey white sands! ❤

Didn't I tell you that you won't be able to resist? Look at me! ❤

You gonna be happy ever after when you landed this place. ❤

Look at the gradient! ❤

TA-DAH! You gonna love taking pictures after all. ❤

More pictures? Take them yourself okkie! HEHEHE:D By the way, after the Island hopping, you will get to buy this very photo of your own, which they took it before your departure to the destinations. 

Each one costs rm10,  but don't misunderstand, it's plastic plate! HAHA.  ❤

SKYBRIDGE + CABLE CAR + ORIENTAL VILLAGE

Cable car opens daily until 1900. If the queue is long enough, take best care, around an hour? We didn't take the cable car as we got to know that the Skybridge was closed for maintenance until further notice, if not, THAT WAS ANOTHER MUST-GO! Seeing the island from high enough place, is definitely an awesome kind of feeling. Add-ons, you can take the cable car and it brings you to the Seven Wells. I do not know what's there at the Seven Wells, because we do not take the cable car, plus we can't afford to climb up high to the top. 

Cable car pricing varies below, as seen below, you can enjoy MYKAD rate at the happy hours, also institution group rate if you have min 20pax and above! :-

Not to worry if you wish to cut queue. Pay a rm50 for it and they promise a 5x faster queue for you. Of course, only when you pay for it. 

You can walk around the Oriental Village, but I personally advise, don't buy stuff from that place unless you think it's real worth it. I think it's expensive, especially FOOD. hahaha!

Some activities picture at the Oriental Village: -

Horse riding? I did not take that because I don't feel like bullying the horses.  ❤

For the kids, for the adults too if you want. ❤

The swinging bridge. TA DAH. ❤

The duck duck ship car. ❤

Well, all these come in a package as well if you wish to, with the duration of 3.5-4hrs too, plus transport from the hotels to the places, so, you get package you don't drive, you don't get package you drive your own. Easy? 

SEVEN WELLS / WATERFALL

Frankly speaking, I do not know much about the Seven Wells, in mandarin we call that 七仙井, while in Malay it's called the Telaga Tujuh. If you drive there, you would realise how far u gonna climb up. We don't have the energy for that, but we made it at least to the waterfall. It was an about 10 minutes walk. 

You won't believe what's gonna be captured in your eyes. The rocks, the waterfall. So darn pretty I tell you! HEHEHE :D 

Lovelies with the lovely waterfall. ❤

Guess whoever wants some photo shooting in Langkawi Island, can consider here huh! Haha! ❤

Soaking the legs in the water, it's nothing more but chilling. ❤

Guess you can imagine how slack we were sitting on the rocks. ❤

BLACK SAND BEACH

Nothing really beautiful/amazing about this place. It takes you about 30 minutes max to stay at that very dirty place unless your aim is like mine, to take photos? Haha, it is unique though. Well, if you were to ask why would the sand be black, I would tell you to read up the history by your own when you reached! 

Le me holding the black sand. They aren't dirty, they are simply black. ❤ 

Look at my hand! HEHEHE ❤

If you don't mind, I would suggest you to try out this very wooden bridge.  She is simply gorgeous. I love stuffs like this. ❤

I would say that I love sun set. ❤

5. F-O-O-D!

Other than the above breakfast buffet, yes there is loads of lovely places for food though. Not to say very awesome food, but some of them are kind of cheap to say. 

For the very first day, we decided to just simply eat and check in the hotels asap. We got to the Kuah Town, and got into the coffee shop name SHUI XIANG. Normal coffee shop though.   

Nah, the rm5 chicken rice. ❤

In Langkawi, you will be able to see some destination marked 'Night Market' in the Map, and there they are, stating the Day of the Night Market. Yes they take turn at places for the night market. We got our food as shown below at the Thursday night market near the Chenang area. We were lucky, food hunt starts!!

I know they look like some garbage in the picture. I can only say they are not photogenic.  Guess how much do they costs in total? It was just awesome rm11.40 from the night market! ❤

Dayum doroyaki costs rm1 for three. They various flavours : Pineapple, Sweetcorn, and Redbean!  While the burger costs us rm1 each. ❤

The Keropok *wink* costs us rm1 for 6! ❤

6 fishball costs rm1; 3 crab ball costs rm1l and each satay stick costs rm0.40, CHEAP RIGHT. ❤

We bought two Lemak Rice at rm1 each! ❤

We took it more seriously for dinner every night, while we got our lunch like anyhow. Means we simply eat uh. Alright, so we got to this wrong place at the Chenang, but luckily the food was quite nice. We intended to get to the Haji Ramli Restaurant, but we ended up the wrong place at Haji Jelani Restaurant. Haji Ramli Restaurant located near the Casa del mar resorts, while this Haji Jelani located at somewhere little further from the Meritus Pelangi Resorts.

Dinner at the Second night. This costs us rm75 for 3 pax! We ordered 2 3-flavoured crab,  500gramme stingray, kangkung, tomyam seafood soup, and own drinks respectively. ❤ 

OKAY GUESS I AM DONE WITH THIS BLOGPOST, LIKE FINALLY! 

Darling, I didn't think about you for the past 3D2N, and I would compliment it perfectly. Tell me darling, how is it gonna be to have forgotten you completely? I wanted to, but I do not wish to. Mixed feeling says it all, as I am contradicting myself. 

Never mind. I had fun with the lovelies. 

Last photos with the Eagle Statute at the Dataran Lang.  ❤


Goodbye, Langkawi.