The 21st day.

I attended sabbath service yesterday. I attended church but I did not partake the holy communion. I was never prepared, even up till now, perhaps I don't deserve His eternal life. All I think about is you you you and only you. Listening to sermons made me grieve. 

Sundays are never good days ever after since you left. It pains me when I have to think all about what happened. During the whole sermon I was blaming the Lord Jesus. I blamed him for what he took away from me forever. I blamed Him for what has happened. Blamed for the past one and a half hour sermons in the afternoon, blamed him during my divine work in the morning at the Pengkalan Hulu while I listened to sermon. I hold all tears and I thought I managed to, until...

Until then when I prayed again. I prayed and I cried out loud all of sudden. Like a drama like that but it just happened. I felt Lord Jesus I felt God. He made me cry and I kept hearing what he wanted to tell me. He told me that he really arranged all these, He told me that being human I shouldn't be crying like that and He told me to behave. I heard him like whispering and all I did was just crying and crying during my prayer. Hard to believe that I actually heard Him, but it really happened. I couldn't stop crying but I calmed down real lots. Ups and downs, and I could only think back of what he told, to comfort my wavy soul every seconds when I reminisce again the unhappy moments.. 

It's already the 21st day since you left the world. 

Be good.

Now then I'm sure that there's really God to take care every of us. 

So please be good.

I will have to be good too. 

I miss you.