This #20factsaboutme has gone trendy lately.
Rule of the game goes this way:
1. Those who are tagged are gonna write 20facts of yourselves.
2. Get it done and tag your friends, and game continues to roll.
As simple as that.
Honestly telling, I got sentimental and I felt my sorrows when I got to know about the chance I might get to answer this. I knew I would answer, no matter how. Not because of anything, but for the sake of being honest to myself. I was thinking how my life has been thus far, and because of this I could finally be frank and sincere to myself, of what am I feeling as of now.
At least I have been thinking at least a week or two when this game starts to roll on the social media, and days after am tagged.
I did wish not having to game on this, because I was at a moment that I don't feel like telling lies, neither do I feel like telling something about MYSELF that I wish, that only my life partners gonna know about, something that I wish to keep it private. But, at the same time, I did think of what should I pen down if I am unfortunately/honourably tagged by friends.
Courtesy to the two friends who have tagged me, 1. PeyChyi, and 2. Vania.
Also...
***updated 15/09/2015*** - Sahvi you tagged me after I've completed 50% of this.
***updated 19/09/2014*** - My roommie for life Thoung tagged me too! ^_^
Thank you because am remembered. MWACKS.
My apology because I don't feel comfortable doing this on Facebook, neither on my Instagram account. My theory is that those who care, they will eventually find their way here. I'm pretty much agreeing with myself on this.
My second apology as I might make it quite/very/extremely long winded.
But pardon me. I truly appreciate that.
So here I go.
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| #20factsaboutme |
1. 2012 was the worst and most horrible year I have been through in my life.
I initiated the break-up with him, and I soon regretted, karma hits when there's this person who came to torture me in my life, and I had a depression period during that few months, and I attempted suicide, I cut myself and I hurt myself. I literally couldn't have control of my emotions. He moved on months later, and no matter what I did I could not earn him back. I suffered from his blissful life, and I couldn't accept the fact that things I did could be easily replaceable by a girl who just came in and took everything away. The more I know I deserve these for initiating the break up, the more I suffer.
Basically my life was upside down, was in a total mess. Very close friends know what exactly had happened in that year.
2. 2013 was the toughest and most heartbreaking year thus far.
I thought life has gotten better, although I was still mourning for my relationship that has gone for months by then. I hence decided to go Korea, but just the second day the tragedy hit the whole vacations. He passed away in a fire with his father. I couldn't take the heartbreak, it was like tearing me apart. I went back the third day, and I didn't sleep for two days ever since I got to know about the news. Worst part I felt something wrong but I couldn't tell what was wrong, hence I continued my trip, even though I was already tear dropping of no reasons by then. I passed out at home after he was buried. First ever time my face was real pale and I couldn't bother more how worried my uncles and aunties were, not even my parents. I couldn't talk properly. I just felt like crying the moment I tried to talk.
Life got tougher, when my beloved second aunt from my mother side passed away within a month after his. She went peacefully, and I know I should be grateful for that, for her last stage of breast cancer had held her torturing for so long. I could not, however, to accept the fact that I had to be tough, for the dearers sake.
I was really having hard time to have to be tougher than anyone, and I couldn't cry in front of the family members, just because I know they needed me more. But who has lent me a shoulder to lean on? No one.
I just had to face the wall, hide inside my blanket, and cry when nobody sees.
3. 2014 has started off with the tormenting issues, but it seems to be ending in a better closure.
Even the first week of 2014 did not started off well. My younger cousin brother got diagnosed a cancer, my grandfather fell down in the bathroom a week or two later, my grandma was suspected dengue fever few days after, and when my grandpa was doing better, he again met with accident that shocked me out of my life.
My birthday falls every January 18, and for the sake of myself, other than that I have made one and only resolution for 2014, I did the same for my 22nd birthday of 3 wishes too.
"2014 doesn't have to be awesome, but at least, start to be better", I wished, and I prayed hard.
It is September now, and yes, life has started to get better, my cousin brother's condition was under controlled, my grandma was fine, my grandpa has slowly recovered. Whilst for myself, I started to be outgoing and tried to mix with more friends. Although it was hard, but least I made it not to cry in front of public, and I could finally got better control of my emotions.
4. Sometimes I think I have moved on, sometimes I know I have not.
It is true. I know nuts about what I really want, deep down. I could be happy at happy moments, but especially when I am all alone, he's all I think about. Sometimes I could get over it quite soon, but sometimes I just feel like crying hard. Of no reasons. Or sometimes I could have not thought about him for a day or two, and I could still be busy with life, but when I do, I cry the hardest.
5. I have loved Spencer Tan Chee Phang.
Closer friends know, that how this guy has influenced me that much. I have lost a lot for him, but at the same time I gained a lot from him. Just a small note for my Mr. Right in the future: I love him, but I have loved him, and so that he's loved, it's all a past tense.
6. I am ready to move on, as long as I have the strongest reason to.
When it is time and I am ready, when I have kept him well, and have buried the memory deep down and locked it up, I will eventually move on. Similarly, if anyone could be the reason for me to move on, I would be thankful and really grateful to this Mr. Right, and I will love him as much as he does.
That, I assure.
7. I am never indépendent and tough, but I am forced to be one, and therefore I am now one.
I wasn't indépendent at all, when I don't have to. But when the circumstances drive me through, I will still be one. All I wish to say that, every girl could be independent, depending on whether they need or they don't. My break-up pushed me all the way to myself today. I'm independent. I don't rely on others easily. I solve my own problem. I get my own things done. I can do shopping alone. I can carry groceries alone. EVERYTHING on my own. Not because I want to, all because I have to.
I had him when I first came to this foreign land. I was on my first break-up with my first love. He was there for me every time I was in trouble, or rather when I caused trouble, mainly because I was one clumsy girl. He took care of me, everything, until I became so dependent on him. He wouldn't let me eat food that has been left for more than 5 hours. He wouldn't let me order mixed vege rice for dinner if he has seen the same dishes in the noon. When I sprained and injured my leg seriously, he wouldn't let me have anything the shi-fu told not to. EGGS, especially. I couldn't had that for months, until i totally recovered. He would order seaweed soup with no MSG no egg and less salty. Or he would even order FRIED RICE without EGG. :') Tell me about it. I could be in total comfort zone during the times with him.
Perhaps there's other guys who would do the same, but I would still say I had him best, until I could find someone who could take best care of me like he did.
He taught me all what I should do when I'm all alone, like now.
At least, he taught me to be a better lady awaiting for the person who could see the outcome, who could value me like how I valued him.
8. I really love to laugh.
I cried a lot and I cried easily. But when there's no reason to be unhappy, laughing would be my only remedy. I could laugh at the lamest joke, I could laugh at the smallest things. He would love to see my smile too, I'm sure about it. He wouldn't want to see me crying for him anymore, and I knew that. Heart could be immersing in pain at times, but when you're handling it well, everything will be fine.
I learned not to cry in front of people anymore.
And I could laugh out by heart. If you see me smile and just smiling, perhaps I wasn't able to get your joke, but if I laughed out, yes it means I was really happy. That was a sincere one.
And recently, roughly since the past two months, I really laugh a lot. I don't know why, but I really am joyful.
9. Plans are meant to be followed, and once it's ruined without a better one, I turn moody.
I would love to follow plans, although plans do not have to be time constrained. I am not a forever early person, neither I would be on time for everything, but when I wish to get things done in that specific day, I wish I did not waste any of my time for other rubbish things. Unless when there's a better plan that could excite me, else please, don't ruin mine.
10. Never would I want to burn midnight oil, but sleeping disorder/insomnia is really killing me.
Almost everyone who stays up late, they know, they could find me online anytime. But those who are rather close to me, they know. I wanted to sleep, just that I really can't. I don't remember how long it lasted, but even if I'm real tired for the day and thought I should have a good sleep when I reach home, I prove myself wrong, EVERY TIME.
Either I sleep around 1-2am and be wide awake at 3-4am plus, or I could only fall asleep around 5-6am in the morning, but awake at 7-8am plus. I feel my tiredness, but I just couldn't be energetic until I slack on my bed scrolling my phone screen on social media for hours, and when am energised, I start my day.
I am a light sleeper too. I don't know why.
Therefore, if I happen to sleep for long hours, everyone should appreciate it and don't wake me up. Haha.
11. I used to love Baby Milo, started from an influence and stopped it for a reason.
Influenced by my first love. I had my first Baby Milo shirt because of him too. Later on I had bathing apes series. I don't know why but like him, am just simply addicted to that cute monkey. I was crazy about it. Without parents' restriction, I would have get all tees relating it. If you happen to see me in tuition centre last time, my common dressing code would be BM/BA tees with jeans.
But I am not crazy about it anymore, maybe because of the break-up in 2010. I really don't know. It just happen that I am not crazy about it anymore. I don't hate, neither do I dislike.
12. There is one reason of why would I started to fall for Hello Kitty.
I wasn't a fan of HK until when I came to this foreign land, till the day I was staring at a HK on my computer screen. I realised that she has no mouth.
And I had a reasoning of why she is this special for me- All because she won't tell secrets, when she has no mouth.
My secrets will be safe on her. I could trust her best. And therefore I find her attractive and am in love with her.
But I don't love pinky HK, I would prefer her in cool style. Just so you know.
13. Sometimes I binge eating, sometimes I do not feel like consuming any food at all.
Recently I eat a lot, I feel hungry easily. However, there's time when I don't feel like eating at all too. Food does attract me, but I simply don't feel like consuming, or I would just had one or two bites and that's it. If am famished, either I spam food or I'll sleep to avoid eating.
Stomach tends to growl easily, especially when I'm having lessons. It could be obviously heard and it is seriously irritating me when there's people other than my two close friends besides heard my stomach calling for food..
14. I love food, and I especially love good looking food.
Those who follow, they know my IG is filled with mostly picture of food. I protest the saying of taking picture of food is a kind of psychiatric illness. I really disagree it to some extent.
Of course I detest people who couldn't take nice picture and upload-sharing every single food they eat. I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. Really.
If I don't find the food worth sharing, I don't.
If I don't find the food photogenic to share, I don't.
If I find that food was too common for everyone to share, I don't.
Sharing is caring, I know.
BUT I DON'T CARE.
It simply is a humiliation especially for food that are really pretty at sight but when they got into your camera it became like something that couldn't be anymore than normal.
I do find it a waste, if the food happens to be pretty but not photogenic because of lighting of the food place. I did wish that there are experts who do tests on smartphone photography when they are setting up their lighting. That would be an awesome effort I suppose.
15. Family would always be my ultimate and most valuable treasure.
I used to argue with my family a lot, especially my mom. I was rebellious, but now I'm at least matured enough to know loving my family better. And needless to say they are every treasure I would want to gain in my life. They don't hold grudges. They have your back every time when you're falling.
16. I appreciate each and every friends that love me the same way I do for them.
Friends come and go, and that is part of the theories in life. When they are leaving me behind, I do feel upset. Like those bunch of poly friends, mainly his friends, we simply couldn't be close like we used to anymore. I appreciate them, but I couldn't like them much, just like how they do. We used to hang out and now we are only hi-bye friends.
I'm never a good friend-maker, but prefer staying in my comfort zone with the same people I already know. Hi-bye friends are okay, because am never a sociable person.
My friends are countable by simple digits, but these friends never left. They share your sorrows and accept the weakest part in you. Those friends are for life. And if you happen to read this, if you know am referring you as well, and if you appreciate me as well, thank you for having me in your life.
17. I chose law as my career path, not solely to become a lawyer.
I started off LAW, because I wanted to get rid of numbers and science. For my diploma in Singapore's polytechnic, Law was my first choice, and the rest I picked designing courses. I ended up in Law, and I thought I would just first be paralegal then to the path being a lawyer. But my mind changed when I got in to a secretarial firm for my internship. Secretarial firm is equally important in all sorts of markets and knowledge of law is equally needed to get job done better. Hence, completing a Law Degree became my to-be-completed wish list, completing bar exam became my target and aim, and being a chartered secretarial is my must-complete-task cum ambition, as for now.
At least I know what I want now.
Try be a qualified lawyer, and also a chartered secretary.
Or if that doesn't happen, get a law degree and then be a chartered secretary.
I know I have taken a rather longer route, but I promise myself I will be there.
18. Being a Hong Kong drama addict, I really could help nothing about it.
It is my daily routine. And If i really have to, I rely the dramas to put me into sleep. Not because the dramas were boring me, but I need to let my eyeballs get tired and real tired and so I could fall asleep faster. I don't love only the dramas, I love the place and the language too. My small wish is that I could stay there for a period of time. It's an unknown if this is achievable, but I will try.
19. When instinct's telling me something bad about a person whom I just met, am going to believe it.
I'm not a good friend-maker, as abovementioned. One of the reasons is that I will have this instinct telling myself that I dislike this person, or I'm okay with that person. I didn't realise this until I'm proven by myself how ugly a human can be. From my first love's encounters, till my beloved Stcp's encounters of THOSE ladies around him, I know I can't be wrong. I might have sounded rude, even constitute an insult to those people who's putting themselves in my shoes, but it was real. I don't like you at first means I can hardly like you afterwards.
20. I am still learning life.
As much as life has disappointed me in many things, or rather the circumstances and disgraceful things happen frequently, I am still learning to take all these.
There are ups and downs in life.
I could fail papers and papers,
I could get disheartened with things I never wish to happen,
I could get back stabbed by people whom I have trusted,
I could have done things that frustrates me as much,
I could have forced myself doing things I dislike.
But when all these sums up in one, I learned to be vulnerable and not afraid.
I learned and I'm still learning.
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Do you know it all? Or do you really know that all these are what I've been thinking? There are definitely more facts about me.
For instances,
- I only rear fish, never once I had the normal furry pets although I wish to have one.
- I'm allergy to prawn shell.
- I'm now allergy to some dish detergents.
- I hate thunders and sometimes do get afraid of it.
- BLA BLA BLA.......
But I picked out only the main 20s to elaborate and those I would want people to know or rather UNDERSTAND here. Pardon me if I've spent your 20mins reading it all.
